How Many Dogs?! Creating Harmony in a Multi Dog Household

Paws for Alarm: The Rise of Fraud in the Dog Training Industry

Imagine if you will, having the world of human mental health be in the following condition: anyone can offer behavioral therapy/mental health services/behavior modification for emotionally troubled youths and adults. You only need to say that you are an expert, and you can legally hang out your shingle and charge for your services. Anything that you suggest, short of actually suggesting killing the human needing the help, is legal while under the umbrella of mental health services. You can suggest beating the human in need. You can suggest shocking the human in need with varying levels of electrical shock with devices made just for that purpose. You can chain them up and jerk them around when they behave in a manner that you deem unacceptable. You can throw chains and large objects at them and that is considered normal treatment. You can spray them in the face with water as well as with assorted toxic mixtures that may cause them harm. You can choke them by hanging them by their necks above the floor and insist that you are their boss and that they must behave as you say. You can throw them to the floor/ground and insist that they submit to you. You can place collars with pointy metal spikes poking into their neck and yank on said collar when you are displeased, all the while saying, “there is a right way to use them”. I could easily go on and on unfortunately. Thankfully, outside of the title of life coach, the human mental health field is well regulated. But even life coaches cannot do the things that are listed. They would be arrested. Rightfully so.

Let’s also talk about educating humans such as in schools/universities/etc. What if all of the above-named horrors were permitted in that field? Not just limited to mental health issues but also basic social skills teaching and the education that one needs to get through life and to choose/study for a vocation. Would you think that any of this makes sense? How would anyone learn by having these things done to them when they made a mistake? Would YOU learn anything, other than not trusting anyone in these positions?

Surely normal empathetic humans would be horrified that we are treating sentient beings in such a manner, correct? Then why are we, as a race of humans who are supposed to possess critical thinking skills and compassion, not horrified that all of these things and more, are legal to do to dogs under the umbrella of ‘training’ them? Why are we even having to have a conversation on this subject in this day and age? Why do so few humans give this atrocity a second thought? Why do people who profess to love their dogs defend such practices?

There are so many so called professionals out there taking people’s money, who falsely claim that one cannot possibly resolve serious behavior issues with rewards-based methods. Or that one cannot train “high-drive” dogs with rewards-based methods. That cannot be further from the truth. Truly, all dogs can learn from rewards-based methods. Read about that subject here. There is no breed in existence who needs harsher methods in order to modify their behavior. The more confident a dog is, the more that they are likely to challenge you if you try and manhandle them. Read about my journey crossing over to the positive side here.

Ethical considerations? This is something that myself and so many empathetic dog behavior professionals wonder about on a daily basis. Dear dog loving reader, we understand that when someone presents themselves as an expert on any given subject, there is a tendency to simply believe in that ‘expert’ advice. But this has to stop. These actions and advice are not the advice of real experts. These actions and advice are only presented by those who have less than an adequate education and less than adequate skill levels in working with dogs. The unregulated world of dog training and behavior allows this at the moment but you as dog parents must demand better.

Therein lies the fraud. The elephant in the dog world. The debate over methods. There really is no debate. Science has shown over and over again how dogs learn best. The governing body of those with the highest credentials in dog behavior made their proclamation on this subject years ago. Yet when that fact is stated, those who use such methods on their own and the public’s dogs call those academic experts, charlatans. How does getting a solid well-rounded education in dog behavior and how to successfully modify it make one a charlatan? Surely when you need an expert in any other area such as mechanics, electrical issues, plumbing, roofing, and most importantly, physical illness, etc. you go to a qualified licensed expert, correct? Why is this field so different? Your manicurist is required to be tested and licensed. Shouldn’t the person who ‘helps’ you with your dog’s behavior have the same requirements?

The world of dog training and behavior is a world of buyer beware. Dog parents overwhelmingly have no idea that these terrible scenarios really do exist for their beloved dogs. They just perform a google search with the intent of getting some assistance for their dog’s behavior concerns or even just getting some help training basic manners. They may look at reviews or they may ask their friends. In general, those friends are not going to be any more cognizant of the horrors that exist in these worlds than they are.

One would think that reviews would safely give one a true picture of the company’s/trainer’s skills and successes. But I can assure you that with many of those whose businesses depend on the use of shock collars for the client’s dogs, the reviews are going to be bought and paid for. Several large shock collar chains and even some small local chains/individual shock collar businesses typically use a contract that offers a discount for an immediate review with a stipulation that if you speak negatively about them in any way on any public forum, then the amount discounted will immediately be due upon discovery of the breach and the client will be responsible for all legal costs involved in the matter. I have seen these contracts myself. Reviews from anyone who uses a company like this should be dismissed.

Unfortunately, the lack of expertise and professionalism is not limited to those still using outdated training tools and methods. Many of those who use what might be called many things including: force-free, positive reinforcement training, rewards-based training, modern methods, science-supported training, dog friendly methods, etc. are also offering their services without the benefit of a sufficient education and schooling. One can literally wake up one day and decide to become a dog trainer. There are many “about me” pages on websites all over the globe that start with “I have loved dogs all of my life.” That is not okay. Training one’s own dog is simply not enough. This is a recipe for clients of said individual saying “I tried positive training, and it didn’t work”. It absolutely works on all dogs. The trouble is that one needs to very much understand how it actually gets implemented and not be limited in skills. There are an abundance of ways to modify behavior and to train a dog with rewards-based methods. There is no cookie cutter template, despite the fact that one is often using cookies (of the dog variety of course!). Every dog is indeed different, as many professionals on both sides of the equation will state. But one must have the education and the skill level and the experience to know when to stop with one way and try another. See this article for more on that subject.

I cannot tell you how many eye twitches I have experienced watching random people on the internet give horrible training and behavior advice because “it worked on my dog” or “my neighbor told me to do this” or “my dad is a veterinarian, and this is how we do it”. Substitute groomer or dog walker and any other dog related position. Unless one is a well-educated with some globally respected credentials and sufficient hands-on experience to learn from that *and* is asking a multitude of questions of the person in need to get a solid idea of the context, then no one should be answering random dog training/behavior questions on the internet outside of when it may actually be your literal job to do so. And one would still need those solid credentials. See this article for more on that subject.

Where does actual fraud come into play? Well, I think *all* of this is fraudulent. Someone offering to resolve your dog’s behavior issues without having sufficient credentials/knowledge/experience is *all* fraud. But the trouble is that anyone can “certify” anyone and that is also legal. See more on that here. But the most troublesome fraud is the guarantee of what is going to happen with your dog’s behavior. Ethical credentialing organizations do not permit their certificants to offer guarantees. Why? Because one cannot guarantee the future behavior of a sentient being. I see (and hide) ad after ad on Facebook for both online courses and in person ‘trainers’ promoting their fail-safe method to ‘fix’ your dog’s behavior issues in 1 session or 1 hour or 1 course or what have you. Dogs don’t get ‘fixed’ unless we are referring to spaying and neutering. Behavior doesn’t work like that. Behavior is modified, in a similar manner that humans accomplish the same thing but since dogs cannot effectively participate in a two way conversation with an actual therapist, we set them up for success with management first and foremost and then in increments very specific to *that* dog, we teach them how to use coping mechanisms to deal with things/people/other dogs/animals that they either get uber excited about or are terribly frightened/anxious of/over.

There is *NO* fast fix. None. There is behavior suppression though, and that is what happens with that terrible list of things that I described in the first paragraph consist of. That may initially look like the behavior issue is resolved because it may not be happening anymore. But the why on it is not happening when it is addressed in that manner is because the recipient of such nonsense is now terrified to show their feelings on the matter lest the pain/intimidation occur again. The mental torment is still there. Nothing has changed internally. This may be acceptable to some people and the thought of that makes me truly sad, but I like to think that most dog parents truly want their dogs to feel better inside as well as outside. Using modern rewards-based methods is what will help make that a reality.

There are many well qualified trainers who do try and educate the public on this subject on various social media platforms. But what happens when those who choose to speak out do so, is that trolls flock to said platforms to villainize/insult/disparage/malign/slander/what have you, said individual. The comment section then becomes the main message versus the important message of all dogs can be trained with rewards-based methods and dog parents are being lied to. A sad example of this is Zak George’s (1) Facebook and Instagram pages. Zak has the courage to stand up to bullies and call out those who publicly abuse dogs and call it training, like the infamous “Dog Daddy”. Just to be clear, I do not believe in name calling. What I do believe in is stating the facts clearly and truthfully when someone calling themselves an expert in dog behavior is perfectly fine with having themselves be filmed stringing dogs up on choke chains and yanking them around when they are gasping for air. This is NOT training. This is clearly painful and harmful to the dog in question. If anyone were doing this without calling this ‘training’, they would be arrested. So why are we allowing it under the moniker of training? Even more shocking (pun intended) is the number of individuals who claim to love their dogs, who will loudly support these archaic practices as necessary and productive. We need regulation badly. Until we get that in the dog training/behavior industry, you as the dog parent, must be aware of the education/methods/credentials/etc. that anyone you want to hire is using. Stick with someone who follows this ethical stance.

In the meantime, when choosing a trainer, ask direct questions. And be aware of red flags. Unfortunately, there are a lot of red flags when choosing a trainer to work with but one of the biggest, at least in the US, is the claim that they “work with/train police dogs”. Police dogs in the US are notoriously unstable and generally only trained with punitive methods. Other red flags are mentioned here and here and here and here. It’s sad that there are so many sources for these, isn’t it?

Until we get regulation, we must demand better. We must expose this fraud. We must be vocal. We must consider humane interactions with our dogs, first and foremost. If someone needs to cause physical or emotional harm to a dog to change their behavior, then they need to find a new profession as they aren’t very good at the one they are claiming to be an expert in. (1)

I am sure that I will get hordes of people telling me how much their dogs love their shock collars or their prong collars and the like. No, they actually don’t. But dogs are super resilient. That is a blessing and a curse. They continually forgive us mere humans for all of our faults. And when the painful thing is the only way to get to the fun things, they think about the fun thing.

A world for dogs that I dream about is a world like Germany creates for the dogs who live there, with requirements to have a dog as part of one’s family, requirements for trainers and requirements for breeders. I wish this for all dogs everywhere someday. I really hope you will too, for the sake of the dogs. Choose kindness. And please, come to the positive side, we always have cookies.

(1) Addendum for the current turmoil in the dog training world: I feel the need to add some information here due to the public conflict going on now in the dog training world. I did mention Zak George above and that I support his efforts against The Dog Daddy. I support his goal of a ban on all tools and methods designed to cause pain and fear in dogs under the umbrella of training them. What I do not support by anyone is badmouthing one’s colleagues in the rewards-based training community and twisting their words into a completely different meaning. I also do not support witch hunts against my fellow rewards-based colleagues from the extremist members of my community. We are not all like this, I assure you. We all want the same things but unfortunately, some of us want to control how others spread their messages. Someday we will have regulation and that will be a start. In the meantime, please do choose a well qualified and credentialed member of the rewards-based community to assist you with your dog’s issues. And please make sure that that particular professional is also positive with their colleagues. This is how we create change. It really is. One person at a time. Thanks for reading.

#choosekindness #cometothepositivesidewehavecookies

Tags: ACVB position statement, balanced training, choke chains, cookie pushers, credentials, ethics in dog training, fraud in dog training, guarantees in dog training, positive training, prong collars, rewards-based training, science supported training, shock collars, the dog daddy, unrelated industry

Buzzword: Enrichment (What Does That Mean?)

Enrichment; we hear this word everywhere in the dog world these days. But what does it mean exactly? And do some enrichment activities create a different mental state than others? What mental state should you be aiming for, for your dog? Why is enrichment important at all?

Enrichment is any activity more than required to exist, basically. It is the everyday actions that not only add quality to one’s life but enhance the mental stability of any sentient being. Being bored is bad for the mental state. Enrichment adds richness to life. For some dogs, it can often mean the difference between anxiety and a more relaxed mental state. There are many different types of enrichment that range from active to relaxing. They all serve a purpose and the goal with dogs is to focus on not only what an individual dog enjoys, but what would also improve their mental state. Some enrichment activities help give dogs healthy coping mechanisms.

Active enrichment activities consist of any kind of dog sports such as agility, lure coursing, flyball, disc dog, dock jumping, herding, etc. Active enrichment also includes simply playing with your dog with toys in such ways as fetch, tug, chasing games, etc. Visiting the dog park, doggy day care, running with you or even visiting relatives with you are also forms of active enrichment. How these types of enrichment, however enjoyable, differ from calming enrichment, is that they all raise the cortisol level versus lower it. Raising the cortisol level by doing something enjoyable is not a bad thing. Humans do this too. But humans are usually taught how to bring themselves down to a more relaxed state afterwards. Some humans learn this the hard way. We call these humans Type A individuals. If you fit into this category, you know that it’s “go go go” all the time. Learning to relax is a learned behavior for this group of humans. Same with Type A dogs.

Not only do Type A dogs also need calming enrichment that can help teach them self-moderated relaxation skills, anxious dogs who may not be interested in the “go go go” state of mind also need calming enrichment to learn effective coping skills. Calming enrichment can include nose-work of the more casual kind such as treat scatters in grass/yards/snuffle mats. Sniffing walks (“sniffari”) where not much ground is covered cardio-wise but rather every inch of scent is thoroughly investigated, is an incredibly calming enrichment activity. I call this “reading all of the articles” versus “skimming the headlines”. Lick mats or stuffed Kongs are another type of calming enrichment. Recreational chew toys and other non-edible chew toys, also fit into this category for some dogs. Every dog is different. It’s important to determine which calming enrichment is right for each dog. Every dog can be taught to do calm enrichment walks, given the right environment to do so. You can read some about that subject here, if your dog is reactive on walks.

Calming enrichment lowers the cortisol level, providing not only a more balanced state of mind but a reduced state of potential reaction. Why is that important? Well, because dogs can’t talk, and we expect them to deal with a lot of things in our human world without fully understanding how it appears from their point of view. So we often miss when they may be in this state until after the reaction happens. Let’s look at this from a human standpoint. If you are amped up from what might have been a really great day but a very busy and exciting day full of activities that were of the whirlwind variety and you are stopped at a store to get something before going home to relax, are you going to be more or less likely to react in a bad way if someone cuts you off on the way into the parking lot or or says something rude to you inside of the store? More likely is the answer. Why? Because your cortisol level is already high, not because you are stressed but because you haven’t yet had the chance to decompress. Now if before you stopped at the store, you stopped at the yoga studio and then went to the store, you’d be more likely to simply ignore these violations. Same with dogs. If they spent the day getting amped up on fun and you haven’t shown them how to come down from that state, they are still raring to go. Check this video out for a better understanding of active enrichment heart rate (and the cortisol rise that goes with it) and calming enrichment heart rate (and the cortisol decrease that goes with it).

There is a middle ground of enrichment that includes activities that may be calming to some dogs and active to other dogs. That category includes: treat balls, treat puzzles, cardboard box games, homemade treat dispensers, and short manners cue training games. One note on sniffing walks that I think needs mentioned is that while most environmental sniffing is indeed calming, a dog suddenly catching the scent of a less typically common in the environment member of the wildlife family such as a fox or coyote, can indeed be more cortisol rising and incredibly activating versus calming. That is the exception to the “calming sniffing walk” rule. Redirection is necessary in that context if your goal is calming.

Learning how to follow active enrichment with calming enrichment can save both yours and your dog’s sanity. For example, with clients whose dogs are more energetic in the evening, my questions to them usually reveal answers that tell me some sort of active play happens right before the over-stimulated state. Simply following that active enrichment, whatever it may be, with some several minutes of sprinkling of treats either in the grass outdoors or in the snuffle mat inside. Doing this for whatever short time for that individual dog, for the time required to decrease the heart rate and therefore the cortisol rate, will help the dog transition to the more desired by the human relaxed enough to not do zoomies around the house while the human relaxes scenario. For those of you with type A dogs, always following some sort of active activity with a small amount of calming enrichment will help not only the humans who live with these dogs but the dog in question to develop self-moderating abilities. Win/win. How do you add enrichment to your dog’s life?

Tags: active dogs, agility, calming, cortisol, decompress, dog activities, dog sports, enrichment, find it, flyball, kongs, lick mats, puzzle toys, sniffari, snuffle mat, sprinkles, training

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Can (and Should) Every Dog Be Saved?

Originally published on May 18, 2015 on Positively.com

Updated/uploaded here January 2024.

“Save all the Furbabies!” This is a phrase that causes even the most experienced responsible rescuer to make the kind of faces usually only visible after biting into something extraordinarily sour. This feeling is similar. There are days that it seems like no one you encounter in the rescue world on the internet has a clue what responsible rescue means.

There are extremists in every part of the animal world, but this fact is so much more in evidence when it comes to rescue. The magical place that every dog can be ‘rehabilitated, no matter what the behavior issue is, exists only in the minds of the extremists.

Rescues and shelters that operate responsibly are targeted by extremists as cold-hearted killers. Perhaps I should define responsibly before I go further. Responsible rescuing includes but is not limited to, making sure that dogs with serious behavior issues and/or serious bite histories are not the dogs that they are focusing their rescue/adoption efforts on. Why? So many reasons. Take a seat, get a beverage and get comfortable.

Let’s start with resources. Resources are not endless. Rescues exist solely because of their supporters. Decisions must be made on how to spend resources. Should you save 20 dogs with great temperaments with the time and money that you have or should you use that same time and money to save one ‘misunderstood’ dog who mauled a child or killed another dog (in circumstances that are not extenuating)? The decision may be very clear to those with common sense. But the decision to focus on dogs with reasonably good temperaments gets questioned and condemned by so many ‘armchair rescuers’ (see here for that explanation). Said armchair rescuers talk endlessly of ‘rehabilitation’ and ‘every dog can bite’ yet offer no actual options other than ‘help him/her’.

Victim blaming is rampant and excuses are continually made for the behavior of the dog in question. Maybe the child who was mauled was teasing the dog and maybe the person who was killed scared the dog. And maybe the dog who was killed startled the dog who ended his life. It goes on and on. Examples are given about dogs who did this and that and are now beloved family members. But what is missing in those examples is the severity that the dog in question has harmed another.

Excuses. These are all nothing more than excuses and victim blaming. Are we as a society still there where the victim gets victimized more than once in an effort to excuse a horrific act? We need to look inward and see what we truly are missing if we choose to victim blame in these circumstances.

Humans indeed are the true cause of these types of situations. Often, dogs who are the center of such situations lack proper training, socialization, proper management, appropriate husbandry which can include lack of proper veterinary care and poor nutritional care. Humans are responsible for properly caring for the animals they bring into their lives. There is no question that animals suffer because of the lack of dog care education on the part of many dog guardians. But when the end result of the poor overall care and management is a tragedy such as this, the dog has to pay the ultimate price. Addressing the root of the problem rather than clamoring to ‘save the furbaby’ should be the foremost action in other animal lover’s minds.

All bites are not equal. There are plenty of rescues and shelters who regularly and successfully modify problematic behaviors in dogs with predictable or minor bites. There are even some placements that I have personally supported where a dog with a multiple bite history has been placed but the bites were minor on the bite level scale. Add to that a behavior-savvy adopter accepting responsibility for continuing with the behavior modification protocols and you have a good chance for a successful outcome. But when you are venturing into the high waters of the bite assessment scale, you are in danger of drowning in your efforts to justify a save. Dogs with Level 5 and 6 bites are just not placeable dogs at all. Even a level 4 bite is extremely risky, but context needs to be considered with this one. With the other 2 levels, rarely is there context to consider, outside of the human initiating the action by trying to actively kill the dog that eventually harmed him or her. And even in that scenario, outside of a family member keeping the dog themselves, said dog is not placeable. Liability is still in play. Check out Ian Dunbar’s bite level assessment scale.

Next, let us look at liability. This is not something to be taken lightly. This is the part that ‘rescuers’ ignore when trying to justify saving a dog like this. When an incident is documented and a human has required medical attention and/or hospitalization or another dog is dead, then you have serious legal implications. Disclosure is required and typically a dog such as this will eventually be legally declared dangerous. This brings legal requirements that must be met. None of those requirements are inexpensive. The probability that some adopter yet to be found will have the resources and the inclination to provide such requirements for a dog they have yet to meet, are slim to none. This brings us back to resources, because the rescue would also have to meet these requirements while ‘rehabilitating’ and housing this dog. No rescue that chooses to take in dogs like this is going to be eligible for insurance.

The legalities continue to mount. As mentioned, full disclosure by the placing rescue or shelter means that the placing agency would have to advise adopters of a dog’s past history. That past history would then require the adopter to advise their homeowners insurance of such an addition. They would typically also be required to purchase dangerous dog insurance as well. A potential adopter could face the choice of losing their homeowners insurance or adopting this dog. Which do you think a responsible person will choose?

What about the community that a dog like this is placed into? Who wants a dog who mauled a child living next door to their family? What if the unthinkable happens and a child inadvertently runs up to this dog? How does anyone justify what might happen to that child? What about a dog who is dangerously dog aggressive and has already killed another dog? I am not talking about reactivity. I am talking about truly focused aggression to other dogs. Management always fails. Someone leaves a gate or door open. Humans make mistakes. The risk to the community is great.

And we are not yet done with legalities. Regardless of what kind of release an adopter would sign upon adopting such a dog, the rescue as well as the original releasing party, whether it be an animal control officer, a shelter or just the family that suffered the tragedy, is still going to be legally liable for a repeat occurrence. This means that if your dog kills another dog and you place him in another home, you knew what he was capable of and you passed the buck. You hold onto legal responsibility. This is a lawsuit-happy country. Past behavior is absolutely indicative of future behavior in this case. A rescue that placed such a dog could lose everything they have worked for just because of one placement. Is it really worth it?

See this link for more information on legalities both on the party of the placing party as well as the adoptive party.
Let’s address training briefly. Punitive methods often lead up to these tragedies. Dogs learn to be defensive and each defensive act results in bolder action on the part of the dog, until the perfect storm occurs. Violence creates more violence. And in a stroke of irony, the only ‘rescues’ typically interested in ‘rehabilitating’ such a dog usually utilize old fashioned training methods themselves, creating more of an internal conflict for the dog in question. Suppress the behavior and call the dog cured and pat yourself on the back. Media hounds are abundant and vocal. Yet these ‘rescues’ blind themselves to the facts. Among the facts, behavior and temperament are two different things. Temperament is nature. Behavior is nurture. They both combine to form a personality. Sometimes one side is more important in an individual dog and sometimes the other side is. You can successfully modify behavior created by nurture to varying degrees, most of the time with great success if you understand how to properly do so. Nature comes from sources born with the dog. This is not the place to go into detailed explanations of this subject, so I will skip the technicalities. Suffice it to say that in a loving home, much about a dog’s wired in behavior can be adjusted. Unfortunately, severe wired in behavior can not be successfully modified in a shelter or rescue environment. Micromanagement is all that can be hoped for and that leads to liability once again.

This brings us to ‘sanctuaries’. Often such places are poorly funded, not very well run, have little modern behavior knowledge and only marginally address the hierarchy of needs of the dogs they take in. Are there good sanctuaries? Absolutely, but they are usually full. And when you have a dog aggressive dog that needs to be isolated from other dogs for the safety of all involved, then you reduce the chances of that dog’s quality of life needs being met. The same goes for a human aggressive dog. Who runs the sanctuaries? Humans, of course. If the dog can only get used to one or two humans, then his or her care suffers. There are only so many humans so go around in these places.

The more you have to isolate a dog in order to prevent a repeat incident, the less likely that you have a workable and humane situation. Warehousing is real and worse than death. Being alive is not the only thing that matters. Quality of life matters far more. Dogs live in the moment and they thrive with attention. Sentence them to a poor quality of life and you create even more instability. No one likes to make these decisions. But sometimes the kindest thing that we can do for a dog in this situation is to give them peace and lay their demons to rest.

There is a certain mindset that intentionally seeks out dogs like this to ‘rehab’ and in most cases, it is selfish on the part of the human involved. The need to feel important is great. The savior of a dog in need. But all homeless dogs are in need. Many perfectly wonderful dogs with lovely temperaments are being euthanized regularly for space while extremists spend time on Facebook battles about why one dog that mauled a child should get another chance. I challenge those extremists to go immediately to their local shelter and foster a dog with a wonderful temperament. Make room to save another instead of shouting about what other people should do. Put your words into action. Don’t be an armchair ‘rescuer’ judging others.

Tragedies where a human is badly injured as the result of the perfect storm of a dog’s life are just that, tragedies. They are all preventable and in a perfect world, all dog parents would be required to be educated about responsible dog parenting. They would be given the skills and understanding to manage situations that could be sketchy to prevent a tragedy from occurring in the first place. It is always going to be human error that is at fault. But that doesn’t change what happened. Once a line is crossed, there is no going back. The liability (again we have that!) becomes too great because of the tragedy. The dog is who pays the ultimate price for human error. This truly is a tragedy but this perhaps is the most preventable tragedy at all. The resources to change this situation exist in abundance. If all the “rescuers” in the world focused even half of their efforts on appropriate dog behavior and care education, the lives of dogs could be immeasurably improved and tragedies would be reduced. Shelter and rescue populations would be decreased. What a wonderful world that would be.

Tags: aggression, aggression to humans, behavioral euthanasia, dangerous dogs, dog aggression, ethical decisions, keyboard warriors, liability, nice dogs, public safety, saving them all

What’s In Your Mouth?: Why Teaching an Auto-Leave-It Can Save Your Dog’s Life

Kenzo & Trent, pose near what what are likely Jack-O’-Lantern mushrooms, which are toxic.

I cannot even adequately count how many clients I have had who have created resource guarding with their puppies and/or adult dogs by screaming some version of the above, while actively chasing said dog to get whatever item they may have grabbed. Thus begins a protocol where the dog’s own human makes forbidden items far more attractive than they would be without all that attention shown to such. We humans sure do know how to muck things up, don’t we? How do we stop? Well, read on.

I have a personal theory that adult dogs who haven’t already had negative attention paid to such would know what is and isn’t dangerous to them within the world of plants and mushrooms. After all, free ranging dogs can’t take themselves to the doggy ER and they seem to do okay with this task. Same with feral cats actually, but since I don’t personally deal with cat behavior, we shall stick with dogs here. Read below for some information on free ranging dogs.

Free Ranging Dogs and Foraging

It seems that it’s us humans who create dangerous fixations on all of the things that we deem restrictive for dogs. I have personally always let my adult dogs graze on grasses and plants that they seem attracted to. They always ended up knowing what was and wasn’t okay. I googled before they snacked, when interest was shown and in addition to long/fresh spring grasses, they most enjoyed Goldenrod prior to and up to blooming, as well as broadleaf plantain. Google tells me that they aid in digestion. I considered this their daily salad intake and planned time for grazing during pretty much every walk. Contrary to popular belief, they did not use this time or these plants as a means to throw up. When that was the desired outcome, they seemed to gravitate to coarser grades of grass, and it was a thankfully rare occurrence. More on that here.

Why Do Dogs Really Eat Grass?

The dog, Echo, checks out a Destroying Angel mushroom.

Echo checks out a Destroying Angel mushroom.
Photo Credit: Kerry Woodfield.

So how exactly do we humans create their fixation on eating things that aren’t good for them? The same way that we humans create resource guarding in puppies who don’t already have that tendency in their DNA. We behave in a dramatic, combative, and eager to seize manner towards their interest in things that they should not have. We literally *create* an unhealthy interest in such, rather like when you dramatically call something off limits for your human children, therefore make it far more attractive than it ever would have been without that label. Running after a dog/puppy and screaming some version of “what’s in your mouth??!!” while looking and sounding like the panicked human that we may be at that moment isn’t the deterrent that you think it should be. It really is rather like telling your teenager that they cannot hang out with so and so. So and so then becomes the most attractive friend ever. Let the surreptitious games begin! This then happens more and more frequently, as it’s wont to be with puppies especially. The puppy/dog in question then begins to look for items to place into their mouth in order to gain your attention to such. Negative attention is still attention and is super fun for dogs to initiate.

This game then becomes far more dangerous than it needs to be in soooooo many contexts. Focusing on dramatic behavior when a dog shows an interest in things like wild mushrooms, your garden, houseplants, household items that can cause harm, etc. is not how you want to address this. The best option to start with is to be the most interesting human you can be in that context and run AWAY from whatever the puppy/dog shows interest in and heartily reinforce and reward for coming WITH/TO you. Act like you are having the VERY BEST DOG PARTY EVER and get that dog/puppy moving towards you instead of telling them what not to do. Active supervision is also your friend here. If you are distracted and wait until after the fact to address this, then you take the chance that the dog eats the item in question. A hefty vet bill can soon follow. Lives can even be lost. Acting when there is interest but before it ends up in their mouth is the goal here. It really doesn’t take long to teach alternate interest.

In conjunction with an auto name response recall, I also teach handing over an item in a non-combative manner. I call mine Can I Have That? The short version is “come to me and I will pay you handsomely for what you have”. I won’t include that instructional here as it will create something far longer than many people will read and that is contrary to my goal. Next time. Stay tuned.

First and foremost, I teach what I call a Wordless Leave It, but many trainers also call an auto leave it. This means teaching a dog that they get handsomely rewarded for ignoring things that might interest them, that they have not directly been given by their human. I consider this behavior a lifesaver. Here is the short version below.

EDITED TO ADD: I personally start with the 5th step (placing the item on a surface and covering it with one’s hand) with most client’s dogs. I am including the first 4 steps because some people will feel more comfortable with starting there. So feel free to skip straight to step 5 while incorporating the tips mentioned in step 1 through 4.

Since some people are not recognizing the importance of the on surfaces steps, I need to explain that I do not believe in using the method that some small amount of individuals insist is the only way to teach this now, called “errorless learning”, for this important exercise. Why? Two reasons: 1. it’s very difficult for the average dog parent to understand what they are seeing with that method. It’s confusing at best.; 2. this method below teaches impulse control, which is crucial to survival.

It is never meant to create frustration in the dog. Each context where this is taught needs to take the dog’s mental state into consideration and stop before frustration intolerance is reached. This is an incremental learning protocol with steps building impulse control so that your dog learns such as a safety necessity. It should be done in micro sessions. It should never be punitive. It teaches self control to dogs, which again is a safety necessity in so many scenarios.:

Take a really high value treat in one hand and show it to your dog. Have more of the same treats in your other hand ready to offer as a reward. Put that hand behind your back.
If your dog licks and paws at your offered hand to try and get the treat, don’t say anything. Simply wait for him to stop, however briefly that may be. It may take a bit and you may have to wear thin gloves to prevent your hand from getting scratched if your dog is super intent on getting the treat RIGHT NOW! Do not say anything to try to get your dog to stop, just be patient. The second your dog stops trying to get the treat or looks or backs away from the treat, even for a second, say “yes!” and offer a treat from your hidden hand. Be sure to be very enthusiastic in rewarding your dog verbally for a job well done. The timing of the marker word is important. That comes first, at the very moment that your dog makes that good decision. The treat comes after the verbal marker.
Different dogs have different ways of backing off. Some will simply stop trying to get the item. Some will look up at you. Some will back up, knowing that they need more space to not grab the thing and some will back up their posture, some will offer increasing levels of self control starting with a sit, etc. Know your dog please, so that you can properly shape this.
Switch hands each time you repeat this procedure until your dog starts looking at the hidden hand when you offer your hand. When this happens, you can now wait until your dog looks away from either or looks at you. Mark that and then reward.
Next you will place the treat inside your closed hand on a raised surface or some sort, eventually transitioning to the floor. How fast this moves forward depends on the individual dog. Repeat the already described protocol, rewarding appropriately. The floor placement will make this procedure hardest at first, regardless of how well your dog just did on the previous step. When your dog totally gets each step, it’s time to move on. It may take several sessions and that is okay.
Moving forward, you will partially uncover the treat on the floor, being very careful that you can cover it before your dog can grasp it if he moves to take it. Remember, you will not be verbally correcting your dog at all. Your role is to verbally mark and then food reward the behavior you want and only that.
Next you will uncover the treat even more, again taking care to be faster than your dog should you need to be. It is of vital importance that you move at the speed that your dog needs, in order to make this a solid behavior. This is not a competition. Your goal is to train this into a solidly understood behavior.
Every success with several repetitions within an individual training session is a cue to move forward to the next step but do so only briefly. End each session on a positive successful note.
It is important to practice this behavior in any room that it would be applicable in, as well as outdoors if appropriate.
Your goal is to progress to a point where you can toss something on the floor and have it ignored, though I would suggest that when you begin to practice with this step, you leash your dog. You will also play goalie with this type of practice by placing your body between the treat and the dog, as needed. Never use the leash to separate the two, just body language. This will turn into a situational cue. Your guests would not know what to say to keep your dog from going after something that they dropped on the floor, but they will automatically reach for it, cueing the dog that it is not theirs. You will, of course, again mark and reward your dog for the exact moment that he chooses not to go after the treat. (a hint for this particular step: use a higher value reward in your hand than the one that you are tossing)

You can move forward with using any item that may be of interest to your dog/puppy as the teaser item.

THE IMPORTANT PART OF TEACHING THE ABOVE IS THAT THE DOG NEVER GETS REWARDED WITH/FROM WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO IGNORE. NEVER. The reward always comes from elsewhere but is equal to or of higher value than whatever they are being asked to ignore. Otherwise, what is the point???

I have two stories of my own to share that can show how important working on this type of behavior can be. Many years ago, when Merlin, Kera, Siri, and Trent were all alive and young, I shared a Thanksgiving meal with my mother at my house. Prior to taking her home, I deconstructed the turkey and placed all of the discards in a garbage bag, which I then sealed and planned to take out to the garbage can when I took my mother home. I arrived back home from taking my mother home, a drive of only 5 minutes or so and upon walking back into my house, I discovered that I had left the garbage bag inside of the kitchen. I burst into tears as I could have killed my dogs with this mistake. What were they doing? They were all relaxing quite happily in various spots on the floor in my large kitchen, looking at me like I was crazy. The bag was intact exactly where I left it. The other amazing event that I inadvertently caused was on a road trip many years later, with Kenzo, my Caucasian Ovcharka, and Trent, my Pit Bull mix. We were returning back to Pennsylvania from a road trip to the tip top of Maine’s coast. I stopped at a convenience store in Connecticut to eat lunch. I took my sandwich out of the cooler and laid it on my passenger seat and discovered that I was almost out of bottled water, so I went inside the store to get more, forgetting that the sandwich was on the seat. I came back and found Kenzo’s face still resting on the console in between the front seats, mere inches from the sandwich and the sandwich was untouched. These are only the major ones that I can remember. There are many many tales of minor instances where my dogs simply don’t pay attention to anything, no matter how tempting, that I have not directly given them. This can be your experience too, if you choose to put the work in.

You can do the above with so many things including food that you want to eat on a level that a dog may try and steal it such as on a coffee table, tissues and paper products that puppies inevitably find attractive, things in your yard that you wish to have your dog ignore such as mulch/plants/etc. I have even done this with duck poop along the Ohio River. No, I didn’t touch the poop, I just covered it/body blocked it and rewarded backing off.

Consistency and repetition, along with proper management when training this behavior, will ensure that you actually can look away for a moment and not have your dog ingest something that will cause them to end up in the doggy ER. This is a behavior that can literally save your dog’s life. Please try and spend time training an auto leave it instead of spending time chasing after your dog to get things out of their mouth.

A word on very young puppies, you can definitely start this process at a young age but do keep in mind that puppies are the canine equivalent of an infant/toddler. Everything they can access WILL go into their mouth. You can either act by starting this process off on the right paw by utilizing what I have written here, or you can react after your puppy has eaten something that can harm them. Acting also includes strict management along with active supervision. Simply being in the environment with them is not active supervision. Please understand the difference as it can mean the difference between life and death. If you mess up (and you will in the beginning so don’t beat yourself up, just aim to do better), then keep this group handy.

Poisons Help; Emergency Identification for Mushrooms & Plants

Rules for the Group

This is a valuable resource that is offered no charge to people for accidental/mistaken ingestion by any species. Please respect the fact that these people offer their time and expertise for free so don’t get me disliked/banned by my referral to the group and you disregarding their rules. Americans in general, are the absolute worst at following the required directions. You can see that for yourself there. Be the American exception if you live in the US please. Don’t be that American that causes an eye roll. It takes less than a minute to follow the rules. You will get props from everyone for doing so. Here’s hoping that you never need that group! Get started with the auto leave it protocol to insure such please. Tell me your stories in the comments if you have some.

Tags: auto leave it, dog safety, dogs eating plants, dogs eating things, dogs foraging, don't eat that, intestional blockage in dogs, leave it, mushrooms, puppies eating things, toxic mushrooms, toxic plants for dogs, what's in your mouth

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Starting Over: Introducing Meridiana

Better late than never as they say. This blog post is way overdue, and I apologize profusely for that. Despite it being only a month away from the one-year mark of losing Kenzo and several months past that for losing Mela, I am still processing the intense cumulative grief. Meridiana will have been here for a year in late July, and she deserves a proper introduction for those who are not my Facebook friends or don’t follow my business Facebook pages.

Meridiana started her life as Lady. She is a now 2-1/2 year old red Chow Chow. She grew up on 6 acres in Ohio and was purchased from a breeder who let her go too young. Her original owners loved her very much and took very good care of her. But she began resource guarding her beloved human mom from the other large dog in the home. They were afraid she would get hurt. So, they rehomed her to someone who they thought had recently had his senior Chow cross the rainbow bridge. That someone turned out to be a dog flipper. His story to me was that he was moving out of state and would be working long hours. I drove an hour and a half to pick her up. She was much smaller than her pictures indicated, and she was terrified and matted and considerably underweight. I knew right away that he was not being truthful with me but there was simply no way that I was leaving her there.

So, into the Armada she went. I got her home almost without a hitch. She started having a meltdown when we were about 15 minutes from home, clawing at the back window and barking and pacing frantically. It turned out that she had to poop and poop she did. Fortunately, since she went on the pad that holds the water bowl, it was easier to clean up. Still, it was clear that she was very well housetrained and to have such an accident traumatized her.

Once inside of my house, I showed her the yard with me still holding her leash. The literal second that we got out there, some jerk set off an M-80 or M-100 right outside of my fence. She panicked and inside we went. I kept a drag leash on her inside. She chose to immediately install herself in my sunroom. The dog equivalent of sitting with your back against the wall. An excellent defensive position, if I do say so myself. I placed a water and food bowl nearby. She refused the food but had some water periodically water. She also refused contact and showed only suspicion towards me. I slept on the couch that night. I tried to offer her a potty trip several times but she shied away from me even taking the leash. It was clear that reaching for it would not be a good idea. I was not comfortable allowing her in the yard without holding the leash. I had no idea if I would be able to get her back inside or not. Potty accidents can be cleaned so that is where we were.

I woke up in the morning to her surreptitiously sniffing me. When I got up, she ran back to the sunroom but when I opened the door into the yard, she approached and allowed me to take her leash and potty her outside successfully. Once back inside, I let go of the leash but let it drag. She accompanied me into the kitchen, and I was able to feed her. Subsequent trips to the yard showed that she was starting to appreciate her new environment.

In the meantime, the dog flipper, who I still didn’t know was a flipper, sent me her vaccination records via email. They were in someone else’s name. I texted him and asked who that was and he never answered me. I spent a couple of hours that day searching various names that the flipper was using online after seeing another version of him posting an apricot Doodle for rehoming the day after I picked up Meridiana from him. I was very torn about contacting the woman named in the vet records, as I did not want to give Meri back if she had been stolen because I had fallen for her. But I could not in all good conscience stay silent. A friend found a Craig’s list as from a few weeks earlier for a dog that matched her description in Ohio. So I emailed the name on the vet records was incredibly relieved after she immediately answered my email asking me to call her. That is where I got the truth about her rehoming Lady. She had been blocked from contacting the flipper almost as soon as he got her to his place, after he texted her to complain that she was aggressive to his friend. She isn’t aggressive. He was mistreating her. Lady/Meri’s former owner had been frantic for about 3 weeks, wondering where she was now and unable to communicate with the man who she had thought was looking for a companion. We became Facebook friends and I now have some puppy pictures of her. It ended well thankfully. But that could have easily not been the case.

Incredibly, dog flipping is not illegal in my state. Dog abuse and neglect is so I reported him for that to my county’s state dog warden, who I am well acquainted with. So is fraud so I hope that he was charged with that. With the help of an Instagram friend, I was able to gather his true name, which wasn’t much different from the names that he used online. I also got his address and wonder of wonders; he used his real phone number. No one is accusing him of brilliance, that is for sure. I don’t know how the abuse/neglect/fraud investigation went. Truth be told, I was afraid to find out that nothing could be done to stop him from doing what he was doing. I could only hope that those dogs he ‘flipped’, ended up in good home. In any case, Meridiana is obviously here to stay.

Now, ten months later, Meridiana is the reason that I get up every morning. I would not have been able to cope with such staggering losses without her.

Aside from the four months that Kenzo and I spent missing Mela before I lost him too, this is the first time since 1999 that I have lived with only one dog. I never expected to be in a position to not have a ‘transitional’ dog. I have always had dogs who kept me going mentally (and vice versa) when we suffered the loss of one of our canine family members. Now I am starting over and it’s a position that I never expected to find myself in. At some point, I hope to provide Meri with a Caucasian Ovcharka brother But we definitely have some behaviors to sort out with her in the meantime. She is afraid of a lot of things/people, etc. I classically condition that daily on our walks. Amazingly, she has done superbly at my wonderful vet’s office with their sincere understanding of how to be as low stress as possible. Meri has also shown great success with impulse control around deer most of the time. Running deer, not so much. And let’s not even discuss squirrels yet, they get her brain spinning out of control. We are working on that. It’s a journey, not a destination. One that I am and will enjoy. Wish us luck and joy.

Tags: adopted dog, Chow Chow, cumulative grief, dog flipper, fearful dog, multiple dog households, pet loss, rescue dog

Endless Love: Celebrate it EVERY Day.

Valentine’s Day: a day that I used to look forward to but now means the anniversary of having Mela suddenly and traumatically pulled from my life. The Christmas decorations stayed up this year longer than usual. The Valentine’s Day decorations usually follow and I struggled to decide whether I would find it too difficult to recognize the significance of a “holiday” that I now view with soul crushing sadness. Ultimately, I decided to put them up as a tribute to my love for them. Not only to Mela, who crossed the rainbow bridge that day last year, but also to my beloved Kenzo who followed behind her only 4 months and 1 day later. For much of the time right after losing Kenzo, my mind was in a very dark place. I functioned but it was all on the outside. I function better now because nearly 6 weeks after losing my perfect Boo, I was moved to add another dog to my life. I owe her an introductory article all of her own, so for now, just know that she exists and that her name is Meridiana, Meri for short. So I still exist in this realm because I chose to, not because I wanted to. I knew that Kenzo and Mela would have wanted me to choose to. But it was and is still is, very hard to be without the physical presence of those you love so deeply.

I try every day to be bright for Meri’s sake. I think that I succeed most days. Some days I even feel somewhat human. But most days inside, the love that I have for Mela and Kenzo is there so vehemently with no solid landing place. So, I talk to them. My very wise friend Dana calls the rituals that we use to cope with extreme loss “active coping”. I would have to agree. They are not only my connection to my beloved babies, they are my connection to my past self who will never exist again. We change with extreme loss. We learn how to move forward because we have to if we choose to go on living and we should choose that. But we construct new personas out of what remains of our old personas. There will always and forever be that layer of intense grief where we are a literal second away from an ugly cry because of. With time, we learn to hold it together more easily but it’s always still there. It always will be. I can be transported to the day that I knew my life would change because something was off with Merlin in a mere second. It’s that close in my heart. And that is okay. I am told that my most recent grief experience is called cumulative grief because both losses were sudden and in a short time span of one another, though certainly one traumatic loss alone can shake your psyche to the core. I survive but I am changed forever. I am okay with that. We live. We learn.

What has not changed at all is my love for those I have lost. Through losing Mela and Kenzo back-to-back, I now feel that I sort of have Merlin, Siri, and Trent back. Not in the physical form. But back here in my life in the form that they took after crossing the bridge but chose to stay and watch over me. No, I did not forget Kera. I am told (and can feel) that she chose to move on with another life after she crossed the bridge years ago. I am sorry that I failed her somehow, but I wish her all of the happiness. I am comforted on a daily basis that the rest of them will remain with me for the balance of this life. I knew that shortly after they crossed and I always look for signs from them but now I feel like we are all here together much more cohesively. I realize that this may be a bit too woo woo for some who may read this and that is your prerogative. But as I said, my rituals are active coping for *me* and I care only how *I* feel about what I believe, as it doesn’t harm anyone else. Let people like things, as I often say about other subjects when it only affects them.

My active coping rituals are many. One involves talking to all of my lost loves daily but especially when I am making my bed. All of their primary collars live under my pillow. I sleep wearing Kenzo’s rolled leather collar because I can. It fits. I gives me comfort. And that is okay. It’s necklace length on me. It would probably be some sort of fashion statement if I did it during the day. That makes me smile. Active coping also involves allowing myself to cry when I need to and the intense longing to touch them again, especially Mela and Kenzo. Those two were my only sudden losses and I feel like they had more life to live here, but that is likely because I miss them so very much. Sometimes they “talk” back. Not as much as when they first crossed the bridge and sometimes I really have to listen but listen I do.

My love for them is endless. Endless love really does exist. It never wanes. I feel it all of the time. My heart aches with it and there is nowhere to put it, outside of my active coping rituals. So this Valentine’s Day, I will cry for my losses but I will also celebrate the fact that I received the incredible gift of loving these dogs enough to miss their physical presence so very much. I will also celebrate having Meri in my life now. Love them all fiercely while they are still in your physical presence. Every day counts. But when they do cross the rainbow bridge, love them the same then as well, as they *do* feel your love when they are gone from this realm, and they want you to feel their love right back at you.

The beautiful banner art used here, that was commissioned for me by Cameo Anderson, shows that she knows this as well and was inspired to create it exactly that way. No one asked for the words that she wrote. She chose them. I choose to believe that my dogs inspired them. I thank them and her and my friend Jim, who commissioned the piece for me to try and help me heal. I will always cherish this beautiful gift. This is also part of my active coping as I think it was intended to be. So today on Valentine’s Day, celebrate those you love, both in this realm and beyond.

Tags: active coping, animal communication, cumulative grief, endless love, forever love, grief, grief anniversaries, Kenzo, kera, learning to live with loss, living with grief, love, loving a dog, loving a dog forever, Mela, Merlin, pet loss, rainbow bridge, Siri, trent, valentine's day

Kenzo: A Love Story

Kenzo, my love, my Boo: April 20, 2012-June 15, 2022

“Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be, the sweet love story that is older than the sea, the simple truth about the love he brings to me, where do I start?” (Lyrics from the song Love Story, in the movie of the same name.)

Kenzo as a puppy

There is so much to say but there are no adequate words to truly say how much this dog means to me and how much I love him and how much I will miss him every second of every day. He came into my life at a very dark time, when I, Siri and Trent were still deep in a dark depression over losing Merlin in September of 2011 and then Kera passed on June 1st of 2012. His “little” furry self was plopped into my arms by my dear friend Jackie, his breeder, with deep gratitude on my part. He was her gift (with permission from me), to help heal our hearts. You can read all about that here in Meeting Kenzo! His sweet kindness and his sense of humor lightened our pain and enabled us to move forward towards the light again. Our little family was able to smile and laugh once more.

Fast forward to April of 2015 and Siri passed away at 13-1/2, leaving us in sadness again but with my boys by my side, we forged on. I, Kenzo, and Trent even drove all the way to the tip of the coast of Maine together that fall and had an amazing adventure. But we were feeling incomplete and a bit lost. That November, Mela caught my eye on a found dogs site. She joined our family just before Thanksgiving of that year. She and Kenzo played beautifully together until my poor Boo busted his first ACL in January of the next year. But we were still very happy together.

Kenzo (right), mom Nova on left

Then Trent crossed the bridge just after Thanksgiving of 2018 at 14-1/2. and it’s been just Boo and Mela since then. We felt complete. Oh, I occasionally thought about adding but I never had a dog catch my eye. But then she was ripped out of our lives suddenly on Valentine’s Day of this year at only about 7 years of age. And it was far too soon and so suddenly, leaving only he and I, and we were crushed. We tried but never seemed to fully feel normal.

His enjoyment of many things seemed to wane quite a bit initially, but he bounced back more quickly than I did. I did my best to not break down in his presence, saving my tears for in the car between clients and when upstairs, either in the shower or getting the bedroom ready for the evening before heading back downstairs for evening cuddles with him, having ice cream and me having tea and a book, then me curled around his back while he rested on his bed in the living room. During our outings, and even when out in our own yard, it became obvious that he had been motivated to be more physically active by Mela’s endless energy, and that was now gone. There was no Mela crittering while he watched with interest, while lying in the yard, making sure that the neighbors behaved themselves.

I threw everything that I had into keeping him healthy. He had laser therapy every week to ten days, the chiropractor visits 40 minutes away bi-weekly and acupuncture once a month. His appetite never waned. He was my biggest joy, with his always gentle nature and obvious love of life and thorough enjoyment of food and all things edible. His adorable sense of humor made me smile so many times throughout the day. He would throw his head around and “bitch” when I came home while I inhaled his scent with my face in his fur, laying on the floor by his side while rubbing his chest. Our re-connections were one of my favorite parts of my day. Similar to when we said good morning. His “purring” when I kissed him as he stretched his limbs out to greet the day and then threw his head sideways in a sassy “good morning” warmed my heart. His favorite activities included: sniffarris in the park and in the woods; walking/laying in creek/ocean/lake water; laying in any grass and watching the world, whether it be humans or wildlife; and of all nature, he loved snow the most, laying in it, eating it, walking in it, etc.; searching through his snuffle mat; his evening doggie ice cream followed by bully bites; his daily afternoon “alley walk” was usually joyously embraced; he rejoiced in riding in the back of the Armada, like the king he was; “borking” at the neighbors when exiting the back door to his yard “kingdom”; sniffing out groundhogs on our walks; laying in the yard and listening to the world outside of our privacy fence.

Kenzo’s favorite weather

As time went by, I noticed that his bark seemed different sometimes. It went back and forth, and I dismissed it as drainage, like my allergies gave me. But then I came across the term laryngeal paralysis, and he got tested for it and it was confirmed that he had a mild case. It took him nearly a week to recover from what was a mild anesthesia, but he had such a sensitivity to stronger ones, that it was thought that a mild one would be fine. His body handled it but he was sensitive to stress and I feel awful that I stole a week of emotional good feeling for something that never was able to be addressed further, when he was struck down with liver cancer such a short time later. I had asked for a referral for tie-back surgery to see if that was a viable option, but he didn’t make it to even having the appointment scheduled.

The universe decided that I needed further trauma in my life and just about three short weeks after his diagnosis, after a perfectly normal evening with all of our normal togetherness and happiness, he was suddenly acting “off”. He sometimes was a bit dramatic with wanting me to get into bed (instead of on the floor with him when it was warmer) so that he could stretch out where he wanted and go to sleep so I did but I was a bit chastising, and I so regret that now. He kept moving around and he could not get comfortable so I started to worry that he might be bloating so I got up to look at him and he looked “off”. I asked him if he wanted to “go to the doctor” He knows what that means, and he immediately got up. We arrived at PVSEC at just after midnight and they took him right in. I waited hours for a phone call from the ER vet, which finally came at about 4AM. She said he either had cancer or a systemic infection and that I had to decide what I wanted done. Her bedside manner was atrocious, and I was feeling punched in the gut further. I told her that I wanted whatever it took but we agreed to some bacteria drawing and X-rays to start with. Another call when that was complete, and it became clear that he needed admitted and a hefty deposit would be required. She was leaning towards systemic infection, again with an atrocious bedside manner. While not an easy to “fix” diagnosis, it was the better option.

Kenzo’s last walk in the park

I frantically tried to get my Care Credit limit raised (successfully) and reached out to friends for assistance with the deposit. The help that I received was humbling and I will forever be grateful. I was told to go home around 7AM and that “no news was good news” and “please don’t call before 10AM”. At only around 10:30 AM, I answered the phone with my breath held. This critical care veterinarian was much kinder and more forthcoming with information but unfortunately, it was not good news. An ultrasound revealed multiple liver tumors with mets in his abdomen. The prognosis was not good, even with surgery, for which with his sensitivity with anesthesia would be very concerning. I was given the option of allowing him to cross the bridge there, proceed with surgery and maybe lose him on the table or take him home and help him cross at home with an in-home vet. I chose the last option. Losing him on the table wasn’t a chance that I was willing to take and having to say goodbye to him in that setting was just too much pain. So, he left this world far too soon at home, with my arms around him, in the same room that Mela was taken from us so suddenly.

I am now left alone and mourning my two beautiful babies at once, but I am relieved that he is free of the obvious pain and discomfort that came on so fast after a normal evening. I don’t know why the universe is so cruel sometimes but because it cannot be trusted, you must treat every single day as if it might be the last one that you spend with your loved ones. Tell them that you love them all the time. Show them that you love them all the time. Try hard to not have regrets because those regrets will haunt you so many times daily, that you will think that you might go mad. I have not been dogless since the late 90’s and I cannot think of another situation that brings me this much heartache. Your positive energy is welcome. Knowing how many lives that Kenzo touched helps greatly. I want his legacy to be forever. His was a legacy of kindness and compassion and laughter. I will try very hard to embrace that daily. But for now, the laughter is missing. Instead, I will mourn and speak endlessly of how much Kenzo meant to me.

Baby Boo, I will think of you every moment of every day with such love that will be endless. You are together with Mela and I hope that you both show me that you are here with me, watching over me.

Tags: dog loss, greiving a dog, grief, heartbreak, Kenzo, loving a dog, mourning a dog, my perfect boo, pet loss, rainbow bridge

Later is Not Promised: Cherish the Now

Mela — September 2021

November 22, 2014 to February 14, 2022

I used to tell myself most days when I was stressing badly because of work or traveling between clients on busy city highways, that as long as my dogs are healthy and alive, it’s a good day. Then my world crashed all around me when Mela was suddenly taken from our lives. Of course, it’s still considered a good day while Kenzo is alive and healthy. But he is nearing 10 years of age and at 165#, that is not young and he has health issues. So my trust in the universe is gone at the moment and I am not sure that it will ever return. I am no longer the same person and that makes me sad. As most who are reading this know, I lost my beautiful Chow Chow Mela on Valentine’s Day 2022. That is a holiday that I will never be able to celebrate again. It only means sadness and loss now. I have not been able to flip the date on my daily calendar from that day. It sits unchanging as I feel like a part of my life stopped that day.

Mela is everywhere and she is nowhere. I have put almost nothing away. I sometimes think that I am waiting for an alternate reality to be revealed and for my beloved and opinionated dog to be back in my life, without any memory of her not being here for a bit, on anyone’s part. Her leash sits on it’s hook just below Kenzo’s. Every day I pull his leash off and look at her pink one underneath. I cannot bring myself to move it. Same with her pink Freedom harness. It still lives on the same stool where Kenzo’s lives when not in use. I cannot even think about washing it without breaking down. Her Trixie Mad Scientist toy still sits in the living room, in front of the end table, half full with the only kibble that my dogs ever ate, and waiting for her to come and swat at it. I did move her bed from the kitchen floor to a folded-up spot next to the couch. That is all that I am comfortable doing just yet and that was only to not step on it multiple times a day. Kenzo stopped and sniffed it every single time he passed it for several days after her passing. Now he just walks by as I expect her scent has faded. That makes me sad.

Her toys, mostly double-digit numbers of stuffed balls of varying large sizes, are still all over the bedroom and some in the living room.

I have cuddled with one in particular downstairs, a huge stuffed hamburger that is not a dog toy but rather I think for kids. I bought it for a Christmas gift from a thrift store. I had it sort of hidden (or so I thought) on a kitchen chair that is only used for storage, for days. One day, several days prior to Christmas, she walked by that chair and noticed it. She subtly slipped it off of the chair while I stood behind her at the counter and watched with a smile on my face. She started walking into the living room with it. I followed her, to see what she would do. She stopped in the hallway with it stuffed into her small perfect face, turned her head towards m and batted her eyes and gave a little wag of her curled tail. I burst into laughter and told her “go ahead, it’s yours anyway”. She ran into the living room and swung it around a bit. Stuffed ball like toys and other stuffed toys that were large and somewhat ball like were how she self-soothed. I don’t know how long I will go without picking them up. Kenzo doesn’t play with them. But they are a constant and necessary reminder of how much her life meant to us both. Every night before we settled into the living room, as I was getting the bedroom ready for bed later, she would come up and wait for my prep to be done and we would play “tug” or play “fight” with one of her balls. I always waited for her to choose which one to play with that day and how the play would go. Some nights she wanted to play tug with it and other nights, she wanted to shake it back and forth while I watched and still other nights, she wanted me to play slap her with one. Sometimes I was too tired to be too into it but most nights, I happily participated and sometimes even initiated it when she hesitated. Other times, I faked the energy to participate, because of how special that I knew this time was to both her and I. But with an incredible amount of regret and anger at myself, I remember that sometimes I was simply too emotionally spent to even do it for a moment and I just grabbed one of her balls and brought it downstairs, hoping that she would follow. Now I cannot even describe the sorrow that remembering those times, no matter how few they were, brings me. I want to turn back time and play every single time she even thought about it. Occasionally, I had to persuade her to play during that time slot but more often it was her raring to go. I miss that so much.

Now I go upstairs with my eyes down on the floor, trying not to look at where she isn’t. Being upstairs without Kenzo is the hardest. Kenzo only comes upstairs at bedtime or if he’s terrified of thunder or fireworks and I usually mitigate those issues and prevent excess stair climbing as it’s hard on his knees. Upstairs was also where she was when I was gone, baby gated with her snuffle mat and free roam of the two bedrooms and her own relaxing sounds on the TV, that matched what was being played downstairs. No one greets me upstairs with whining for me to get there faster and little purple tonged kisses when I come home. The upstairs is so empty that it’s harder to exist up there now. She isn’t there to hop on the bed after it’s made to wait for me to get fully dressed and ready for walkies. She simply isn’t there, period.

In the summertime, she would put her adorable little paws onto the air conditioner and lean onto the window pane to bark fiercely, taking care that everyone knew that the warrior princess was at watch and no intruders would be tolerated, thank you very much. Much of the time, I found this habit was incredibly annoying because she trashed my blinds before I was smart enough to tie them higher but every single time that I came home and she didn’t bark when she heard my car pull in, I held my breath and worried that something was wrong with her. I could only let it out when I heard her waking with a bark, after I beep locked my car. Perhaps even then I suspected that she was only here with us for less time that I would have liked. Her protecting the castle ferociously was her hallmark. I would trade that any day for the silence that the upstairs now holds.

The only thing that I actually have put away so far were her meds (into the “dog cupboard” hidden) and her ceramic bowl. I could not stand not reaching for it for every meal. So now it is washed and inside a cabinet. Every moment of every day has a memory of where she should be and she isn’t there. Evenings spent with her and Kenzo relaxing in the living room (or sometimes in the bedroom when my day ran later than we would have all liked) were my favorites times of the day. Evenings are my “no electronics, it’s family time”, so I have very few pictures of these treasured times. Now I wish I had more. They are in my mind, but what if my mind forgets some of the details? I cannot bear that to happen. Every evening after dinner was (and still is for Kenzo) ice cream/chew thing time. Then they napped near me, with Mela usually wanting pets first. I loved those pets, her back leaning into my legs if I was on the loveseat or into my chest if I was on the floor. Or maybe she wanted her chest scratched. Either way, there were always pets first and then naps until we headed to bed. Kenzo always on the big bed on the floor in front of me and Mela on my left. Sometimes after pets, she laid on the huge bed behind Kenzo.

Mela, on her pup protector throw.

Most times, on the carpeted floor next to the bed. I always tried to persuade her to get on the bed. She always seemed a tiny bit worried about encroaching on his space but that would be the only time she was worried about such. She had no qualms about expressing her opinion to him usually and he just turned his head away like the peace lover that he is. Other times, she would briefly lay on the couch looking exquisite and timeless on her pup protector throw. I loved when she did that, but it was never for long. Most of the time, she would go to the side of the loveseat, to my right and lay in front of the door. I think that wanting to see anything coming at her was a remnant of her (hopefully brief) stray past.

Her past is likely what made her a challenging dog to live with. I have never liked easy dogs so she was a breath of fresh air, despite her idiosyncrasies. Here is how she came into our lives. There were many challenges to overcome. She had something that I call “frustration intolerance”. I am not sure what other trainers call this behavior but it involves not knowing how to self-sooth when over-stimulated so redirecting contained frustration or over-stimulation onto a housemate (usually the least likely to fight back) or a human family member (again, same temperament) was how she let the frustration out. At first, when over-stimulated, she would bite Kenzo in the side of his face. Now Kenzo is 165# and Mela was at most, 42# and his face is furry so all she got was a mouthful of fur, as he usually turned his head. He is conflict avoidance in action most of the time. But occasionally, he got upset and fought back. It was exactly one of those times, with all of us rolling around in a creek with me separating them, in rural northern Pennsylvania on 65# secluded acres while on vacation that decided me to get her on behavior medication when we returned. I had to experiment with titrating (with my vet’s blessing, of course) very carefully as she was more sensitive to the medication than most but we found her happy dose eventually. Since she was too over-stimulated to take food rewards outside, I had to simply verbally capture her not reacting. I started with capturing her looking at things that might excite her at a distance and reinforcing that. She first switched to biting her leash instead of Kenzo and I reinforced that. I also reinforced all sniffing for displacement and she eventually was able to do that instead of biting her leash. At some point, she learned to shake off on cue as well as to sniff on cue. This did not happen overnight but it was all worthwhile. She stretched my training and behavior modification skills quite a bit and I am grateful for everything that she taught me and every moment we had together, even the difficult ones. Her trust did not come easily and handling was still an issue with many husbandry issues. It was a back and forth momentum with some progress and some backslides. Once it took her an hour for her to allow me to muzzle her to be seen at the vet’s office. But with a lot of work directed towards the dental procedure that she never got to have, the most recent vet visit only a few months prior (with good bloodwork!) only required a minute to have her trust me to get the muzzle on. I wish I had more time to spend building more trust. I will always be grateful for what trust she did bestow upon me.

The day that she was taken from us was a Monday like any other. But I was already agitated about something I cannot even remember now. One of her behaviors that seemed to creep back in the previous weeks was her running up to bark in Kenzo’s face when he got into my SUV after she did. I “solved” that problem previously by treat tossing to her as he got in and he got treats as well once inside. She usually then jumped in her regular front seat spot and off we went to the park or cemetery. But only very recently, she had been eating the treats and then running back to snark very rudely at him as soon as he got in afterwards, after I had closed the doors. I know that behavior modification progress is always back and forth but she had been great for so long, it was surprising. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like a mama bear about it. That day she was snarkier and I was frustrated. He was very sensitive to that sort of thing and she had been so good for so long and his arthritis was making him be more vulnerable sometimes. Now I feel that perhaps her backslides on some behaviors were perhaps a symptom of whatever took her from us later that day. I wish that it occurred to me then but I am not sure that calling my vet and telling her that Mela was being extra rude that day would have resulted in a productive visit. Mela was known to be Mela. I try and console myself with this but it’s still a process.

We went to the park and had a nice walk, but she was pulling much harder than usual. Now Mela could probably pull a full-size pickup on a good day, but it usually didn’t last the entire walk. So again, my irritation at her, not outwardly obvious but there and enough to instill guilt for the balance of my life. Getting back in the car to leave that day, I realized that Kenzo had a small poop accident (first time ever in the car) so I cleaned up as best as I could and folded the blankets down so that the mess wouldn’t spread. But of course, this didn’t help my mood. Leaving the park, we encountered a stoppage at the part of the park loop where some reconstruction was taking place. Several dogs walked by, and she launched herself in the back of the SUV and barked at them. All in all, pretty normal for her. And not normally something that I would dwell on as she would simply come back up to her seat pretty quickly most times. She sometimes remained in the front seat to whine and bark mildly and sometimes she went to the back. She always got food rewarded for maintaining her place. But this day, she stayed back there and she was taking it out on Kenzo instead of just barking at the dogs outside. Again, he just turns his head, but he doesn’t deserve that. I yelled at her. I am incredibly sad about that now. I console myself with the fact that they have heard me yell a lot over the years (we live in the inner city) and it’s nothing to them and usually isn’t directed at them anyway, but I still wish it hadn’t happened. Finally, we got to a point where I could attach her harness to her tether in the front seat. It was all good again. We went to the grocery store and went home. I cleaned Kenzo and the car up and loaded up the laundry. I did meal prep (they eat home cooked) and gave them lunch. They settled down for a nap on the kitchen floor next to me. A normal Monday afternoon as that is my admin day. But my mind was still somewhat resentful towards her extra behavior earlier, though there was no outward signs of that she would have detected. Kenzo on his bed and Mela between her bed and a rug that she sometimes used as a bed instead of her actual kitchen bed just a few inches away. Three hours went by. I was just about to send the last summary and take them for their second but individual walks down the back alley. They loved that short but solo walk. Then this happened. The short version is that she let out a terrible sounding cry. I rushed to her, thinking that I would be consoling her out of a bad dream but as I cradled her in my arms, thinking that I was surprised she was allowing that, she arched her neck and let out a breath and that was her last. My screaming could have been heard for a mile. I called my vet crying hysterically and rushed her there but I knew that she was gone. Our lives are forever changed now. Instead of settling happily in the living room with my 2 perfect Valentine’s, after dinner celebrating with some doggy ice cream and bully bites, I was consoling Kenzo and crying so much that I vomited.

Mela was scheduled to get a dental extraction (and cleaning) just two days later on February 16^th. I was terrified of this and had asked to push it out a bit but was told that pushing it out would mean June and all I could think of was what if her tooth was hurting her and removing it would help her feel more comfortable overall? So I stuck to the originally scheduled date and grew more and more worried. Mela was scared at the vet’s office and for her, scared meant that she lashed out angrily. She has always had to be muzzled but prior to having a vulva rash/infection several years ago, could be restrained by me and examined with even getting bloodwork being undramatic, as long as I was holding her. But that discomfort of that rash/infection changed everything and she would fight even being held by me, making it dangerous for everyone present, even with her muzzled. So, while I had taught her some solid husbandry things, outside of a quick vaccination after muzzling, she always had to sedated for thorough exams after the vulva incident. I could hardly bear the thought of her there at the vet’s office without me, even though I would be present initially when she was sedated. I felt like I would be betraying her. All I can think about now is did the universe take my beautiful little girl ahead of this dental procedure because although traumatic for me to lose her in such a manner, it would be less traumatic than losing her without me present, during or after a procedure that I was already feeling so frightened of? And if so, what if I had simply pushed out that dental until June? Would I have gotten the most magical gift of having my little baby girl in my life a bit longer? Only the universe can answer these questions. But my pleas for answers are falling on deaf ears. The universe doesn’t provide that kind of feedback unfortunately. I don’t trust the universe anymore and I don’t know how to regain that trust. If you have suggestions, I am all ears, but don’t make those suggestions about any sort of religious options please.

While the Monday that we lost her was like any other Monday, aside from what happened and the strangeness that preceded it (a harbinger of what was to come?), the 3 days prior to losing her were a huge gift from the universe, again perhaps knowing what was to come? The Lemonade Conference, a virtual dog behavior conference was the previous Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so I was home with my two beautiful dogs for three glorious days when I would normally have been working. That meant that even though I was watching presentations, they were next to me in the kitchen relaxing and there were longer walks at more relaxed venues such as the park, than there usually were on those typically my busiest of workdays. There was no coming home late and tired on my part and there was extra energy in our afternoon “alley walks”. When my presentations were done for the day, my workday was as well since I could answer email inquiries during presentations, so we retired to the living room earlier than on workdays. I will forever be grateful for those days. It makes the Monday that followed a tiny bit easier to swallow, knowing that I got those special extra minutes with her when it would not normally be the case.

I realize that there really isn’t anything instructive for other on my part by writing these words but I have to get them out, if only to show the world how very important Mela’s life was and to purge some of the anguish that is inside of me. If you are still reading, you are very kind and I thank you. I have never before lost a dog so suddenly and completely unexpectedly like this. It feels drastically different than losing one to old age/illness, when one has time to prepare a bit. It feels like my relationship with her wasn’t allowed to be completed and I hope that one day, I will get to tell her how very much I love and miss her every single day. I hope that she is hanging out here in another form that we cannot truly see and she knows this already. I also hope that we all get to be with our lost loves again in another realm and see and touch them again for real. Until then, I will talk to her (and my other lost loves) daily. And I will leave you with this. Never ever take for granted “later”. I thought that there would be a later that day for us to reconnect. Later was stolen from me. Cherish the now. You never know whether you will have to live with the pain of being frustrated with someone you love. I know that’s just being human but it hurts incredibly badly all the same. So cherish the now please. For Mela.

I have decided to add some grieving resources that friends were so kind to provide. We all grieve differently. Maybe these will help someone else:

Grisha Stewart’s musings on Peanut’s loss

Grisha Stewart on mourning

Pet Loss and Bereavement Group

Rainbow Bridge Grief Loss and Grief Support

Tags: heartbreak, losing a young dog suddenly, love and loss, loving a dog, mourning a dog, pet loss, reminders of loss, sudden loss

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United in Grief: Our Intense Love of Dogs Brings Us Together Online

Losing a dog to the inevitable Rainbow Bridge is hard enough. Losing a young and assumed to be healthy dog to a very sudden and unexpected passing on what was an otherwise normal day, is jarring at best but truly closer to soul crushing. Only other dedicated dog parents know the depth of the grief that grips us when we suffer such a loss, even when that loss is expected, such as with old age or illness. I have written about the beautiful support that the internet has previously provided when I lost my beloved Siri. Siri’s passing was of the expected variety and simply a matter when. After all, her health had been failing and she was nearly 14 years old. For a very large dog, that’s epic. Expected doesn’t equal welcome though and grief is still huge when the love is so great, as it always is. You can read about that experience here.

I am no stranger to having my dogs pass away but until now, it’s always been of age/illness related complications. Only my first dog, a Pekingese Chihuahua mix named Samantha passed away suddenly, but shortly after an operation to biopsy her liver. She was 12 years old though and had already lived a long happy life. That fact didn’t change my trauma over losing her so suddenly and without my presence, but it’s somewhat easier to console yourself when you have been honored to share so many years with a dog and there has been a preceding illness.

On Valentine’s Day of 2022, my dog Kenzo and I suffered the very sudden loss of my/our beautiful Chow Chow Mela. It is thought that she had a stroke/aneurysm or heart attack, as she woke up very suddenly from a nap, nearby me where I was working on my computer, and made the most unearthly cry. I immediately rushed the 3 or 4 feet to her to comfort her from what I thought was a bad dream, but she arched her back and passed away in my arms, on my kitchen floor. It was a moment that will forever replay in my mind. I cannot think of this without scrunching up my face into the beginning of an incredibly ugly cry. Maybe someday but not now, not soon, with the feelings so very raw. When I got home from the vets, where I immediately rushed her to, hoping to revive her, I couldn’t say anything more on my own timeline, other than that Mela had very suddenly passed away. I was in shock. I shut off my electronics and huddled with Kenzo, who had been present and mere feet away and “knew” what happened. I think he thought that I would come back with Mela all good from the vets and that didn’t happen. We were both so incredibly sad. I barely remember that evening now. Just the incredible pain that I think that we both felt, amidst the shock.

While I was screaming “no” at the universe, before heading to the vets, he hurried into the living room, clearly scared of what was going on. I carried her to my vehicle and then reassured him that I would be back and drove like a fiend there, knowing already that it was too late. My vet’s staff was wonderful and rushed out immediately, as I had already called them. But she was gone. We will be mourning for quite some time. I will tell the story to honor her life, which was so very important. I am still trying to find all of the right words to show how very important her life was for her story. But this story is about what happened immediately after our devastating loss.

The next morning after this crushing loss, after not even being able to keep coffee down and less than an hour of nothing that I would be so generous as to call sleep, first making sure that Kenzo was fed, I wrote this post on Dogspotting Society (written first on my own timeline/Instagram and Facebook business page, also widely supported), but then edited for public viewing for the Dogspotting Society Group on Facebook.

A wondrous and beautiful thing then happened that went a long way towards helping me cope and far surpassing my wildest expectations of support. My goal at the time was badly needing and wanting to share my love for Mela and my intense trauma and have people know how very important Mela’s life was. But it became so much more. The rush of love that I received both in the DSS group and on my own timeline and business page, was something I will cherish forever. With the DSS post, there were over 12,000 reactions, more than 2500 comments, nearly 60 shares, and nearly all of those comments, etc. supportive and helpful. Villa Stokroos send me a lovely video to help me cope, featured here below.

Tammy Dolby Tobac created these two lovely graphics above for me.

Erin Nicole reminded me that Chow Chows overwhelmingly enjoy being a bit (if not more than a bit) contrary, snippet here

(all used with permission). I also got 3 new Facebook friends from this sharing of love and support and that means a lot to me. All of this was more helpful to my state of mind than I can ever possibly express. Having so many people cry and feel my loss with me was very cathartic. I also want to state to anyone reading this post, that if you commented on my DSS post and I did not react, then it was only Facebook algorithms that did not allow me to see them all. I tried to keep up but there were so many and Facebook did not allow me to click all the way back. But please know how much ALL of your support meant to me. You are all wonderful to take time out of your day to help someone cope.

I don’t want to minimize the support from those I know, both in real life and on the internet, on my own timelines, business page, and Instagram feed. That support was also badly needed and greatly appreciated. I received hundreds of words of comfort, as well as cards and even a beautiful floral bouquet delivery that is still alive 4 weeks later, honoring my beautiful Mela. But I wasn’t as surprised about that support as I was by the support of perfect strangers who held space for my pain. You are ALL appreciated.

I was terribly sad and surprised to learn that far too large a quantity of dog parents have experienced a loss nearly exactly as I described. I would never wish this experience on anyone who loves a dog, let alone the sheer quantity of people who have had this same heartbreak. I don’t know if there is anything that can change this in the future, but I sure hope that I have already had my share of this experience, so that I never get to be a repeat member of this tragic club.

The internet can be an amazing thing. I am 100% sure that if we had been discussing any other topic, dog related or otherwise, from the controversial to the benign, arguments would have been far more abundant than agreements. But everyone who chose to participate in my post, shares one very big trait: they love their dogs fiercely, so they understand how much it hurts to lose them. We all want forever with our dogs. This is something that brings us all together.

Thankfully, only a very small handful of people chose to be pedantic instead of supportive: three corrected my medical knowledge and three more “diagnosed” my dog’s reason for passing and two shares, (probably the same person, I hope) painted me as the bad guy because I admitted in my post that got frustrated with my sometimes challenging dog that day. I am human and believe me, I will carry that burden forever. But all the same, I know in my heart that Mela and I had a wonderful relationship, and I can assure anyone that Mela likely got frustrated with me far more frequently than I was ever frustrated with her. She had rules and I “violated” her rules probably as much as she tested my parental boundaries. I console myself with the fact that my beautiful little warrior loved nothing more than a good battle. She would have been at home in a context of guarding the castle walls and relished every attempt to breach such. I want to think of her doing just that and waiting until the moment that we will meet again. I miss her so.

Until that day (and beyond), I will cherish forever, how very much Mela was the reason that more than 12,000 people came together for her memory. We need more of that kind of internet. Dogs truly do have the capacity to create more bonds than conflicts. We need those bonds. Please be kind when possible, to those with whom you engage with on the internet. You never truly know what they are going through. And you never know what kind of an effect you will have on them. I am grateful for those who chose to share my grief with their love and kindness. Thank you and I will pay it forward. You are forever in my heart with gratitude.

Tags: aneurysm in dogs, death of a dog, heartbreak, losing a dog, losing a young dog suddenly, loving a dog, mourning a dog, rainbow bridge, stroke in dogs, sudden passing of a dog, supporting fellow dog parents, wonder of the internet

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Safety Nets: Why Barrier Free Adoptions Can Hurt Animals

“Anyone who wants a dog, will get a dog”. I have recently seen this statement used as a reason to eliminate any and all “barriers to adoption”. Advocates of this approach want to eliminate pretty much all measures that are in place in any rescue/shelter, which screen for the ability to safely add an animal to a potential adopter’s home. I am going to discuss each one individually and focus on dogs, though this subject applies to adopting any animal. I honestly think that it’s critically important that those who love animals and only want the best for them, to have it right in front of them in black and white, as to how very much they may be taking chances with lives, when dispensing with all barriers. Rescuing an animal and providing them with safety should not stop at placement. Now mind you, not all of the barriers discussed should be in place. Many “requirements” should be considered individually with each animal/adopter. Let’s explore this list below (and more) individually. (Banner photo courtesy of Steph Gregerson. Cubby should expect his furever home to be properly screened for his needs.)

Home visits
Vet reference checks
Landlord approvals
Multi-page applications
Family restrictions
Fencing requirements
No electronic fences
Income questions
No 9-5 type workdays with no one else home
No out of area/state adoptions or can’t already have a pet in the home if out of area
References required

Home Visits

Herbert, photo courtesy of Kristin Schuler

Generally speaking, shelters don’t conduct home visits anyway unless (in some cases) a situation exists where a particular dog might have had a lot of notoriety for some reason and/or the breed/mix is attractive enough to the wrong crowd, that humane agents may want to ensure that an adopter is interested in said dog for the right reasons. But most responsible rescue groups do conduct home visits. When I first volunteered with and then ran my own Doberman rescue group, we required them. Why? Because you just can’t get a real feel for how someone lives without seeing for yourself. There are plenty of applicants who look great on paper and then you discover that they expect their dog to sleep on top of a narrow wooden floored stairway landing without even a rug (yes, that happened). Toppling down wooden steps in one’s sleep isn’t my idea of how a dog I spent time and money ensuring the safety of, should spend their nights. Would I have discovered that without a home visit? Nope, not at all. Home visits are also an easy way for the applicant to meet the dog before committing. Seeing the interactions inside of where a dog might live often results in valuable information. Advising on accommodations and in-home safety after adoption can be very helpful to an adopter. Things like windows at dog level and lots of wires/clutter in dog centered areas can give the rescuer ideas on how to help the adopter keep the dog safe after adoption. Many adopters simply don’t think of things that those who have had a lot of dogs come through their home have experienced first-hand. Do rescue groups care if your home is out of Better Homes and Gardens? Heck no, not quality rescue groups. We/they are just looking for a good match. Not a perfect match. But a good match. Relationships are supposed to be forever. Seeing the potential adopted animal and the adopter in their own home goes a long way towards feeling good about the match. Shouldn’t the emphasis be on quality placements that last rather than an increase in promotable numbers?

Vet Reference Checks

I have a hard time with this one, I will admit. I just can’t wrap my brain around not wanting to ensure that previous and current animals (if any) are/were taken care of properly. What is not to like about something that takes only a few minutes of time and reveals a lot of good information? In this day and age, this can typically even be done via email. Time spent, negligible. Yet priceless. A word on this subject though as proper care is a subjective idea evidently. Having at least a yearly wellness visit with appropriate bloodwork and as needed in addition to illness/accident care is important. Preventive care is vital but what preventive care is often a matter of need. For example, I currently have floofy dogs and we hike a lot. So my dogs get NextGard starting when ticks are more active in the spring through when a hard freeze happens and even some times in the winter if the weather might call for it, such as our current warm winter. But they don’t get regular heartworm preventative. That would disqualify me from some rescue groups and that is okay with me. They get tested yearly, they are usually only outside when with me and it takes a hardy mosquito to get through all that floof. Add that we do live in the northeast rather than the south, (where heartworms are truly frightening). When I have short haired dogs, they do get heartworm preventative during the mosquito months. I am informed and educated. This is not going to be the case for everyone. But in the interest of education when that is all that is needed, immediate denial for just *this*subject should not be a thing. Education and informed decision making should. Treat adopters with a respect for their intelligence level. Engage, ask questions, and go from there. Of course, if the adopter is inquiring for a first pet as an adult, they won’t have a veterinarian for anyone to inquire with. This creates an ideal time to educate as to what basic needs need to be met, and the average costs for such so that there is no sticker shock, so to speak. This also provides for the opportunity to refer the applicant, if approved, to quality veterinarians that the rescue/shelter uses/supports for multiple reasons. Win/win.

Landlord Approvals

Again, I will confess a complete and utter state of confusion at why one would not want to ensure that an applicant that rents/lives in someone else’s property, is permitted to have a dog there. This seems to me to be basic common sense. After all, if the applicant is not permitted to have a dog or is limited as to what size of dog, that is valuable information. Eliminate this basic requirement and you will have someone adopt a dog who is then discovered by whomever is in charge of said property. Which then causes the adopter to potentially irresponsibly rehome the animal to the first person who agrees to take him or her, instead of returning the animal to the shelter/rescue or doing an approved responsible rehoming themselves, which can be less stressful than constantly changing venues. What that creates is stress in a dog who has already experienced too much instability in the first place. Rescue should mean emotional as well as physical safety. Checking with a landlord to ensure that a dog is permitted is a simple and minimally time-consuming action that can mean safety to a probably already stressed dog. Do it for the dogs. Added as a last thought on this particular subject: I saw an article that made fun of this requirement, stating that someone adopted while having a friend pretend to be her landlord and she still has the animal. Oh yeah, that’s a great feat to use as a reason to dispense with an easy thing to do that can literally save an animal’s life. Restrictions on living quarters CAN get dogs killed PDQ. Consider breed restrictions. While complete nonsense, they are indeed legal in many areas and the result of having a breed that isn’t permitted is literally that dog’s death. So, just stop with the landlord checks aren’t necessary BS please. The dog that doesn’t have to be surrendered yet again or worse, euthanized, for being the “wrong” breed, will eternally thank you.

Multi-Page Applications

This is one of the things that you won’t see me defending much. Basic information definitely needs included such as name, address, phone number, pets in home already, past pets, vet contact info, landlord contact info if applicable, and dynamics of household as well as some basic past/expected care questions to make a better match (not to judge someone!). The rest can be covered when the applicant is contacted. So many advocates are pushing “conversations instead of requirements”. I am not sure why these advocates think that conversations aren’t part of this protocol. They always have been in, most scenarios, and they always will be. They are the primary source of information about where the dog might end up. They are crucial. But just like any questionnaire that you would complete for any organization/business, applications supply basic information that is valuable because it saves time for conversations about the more important stuff. Certainly, there are many ridiculous applications out there, but their existence should not mean that the majority of adoption applications are irrelevant. That’s just not true, like most generalizations. Shelter/rescue staff/volunteers are seriously overworked and time strapped. Allow them the benefit of a basic information gathering application to proceed forward with and stop trying to make their work harder please. If your rescue group or shelter staff/volunteers have time to dispense with a basic application information gathering process, then you should consider yourselves unicorns versus the standard.

Family Restrictions

Again, a subject that you won’t see me defending much. I say “much” because, common sense should truly be a thing. But individual situations should dictate the match. For example, for a dog who is not great with kids or is simply too large and clumsy to safely live with small children, then don’t adopt to a family who has them. With a dog who is not good with cats, don’t even bother entertaining a family who has felines. Same with an energetic puppy and a frail senior citizen who lives alone.

Honey, photo courtesy of Susan Lydem

These are individual situations. So is the age of an adopter and what breed/age of an animal that they want to adopt. Age limits to adoption should never be a thing. Neither should blanket restrictions of any kind, such as same sex adoptions or no puppies with toddlers, etc. Two situations from my Doberman rescue days come to mind on two of those subjects: one, a ten-week-old puppy adopted out to a family with one toddler and a baby on the way. The family in question demonstrated an amazing amount of dog savviness for children/dog interactions and had a lengthy history with the breed (not necessarily a solid in!) as well as dog behavior savviness. Another situation: a family with three female Dobermans wanted a fourth female addition, as one had passed. I had a female who fit right in, and the family was wonderfully hands on with structure and parenting skills for all four of their girls. Win/win. A lot of rescue groups would have turned these two applicants down for the dogs that they applied for. I didn’t, because each situation deserves individual considerations. But, and here is the important part of this equation, no other basic requirements had to be forfeited in order to do this. Both sides of this equation truly are possible to achieve.

Fencing Requirements

Yet another subject that you won’t see me defend in total. Again, individual dog’s needs should dictate this. But when a rescue group or shelter does decide that an individual dog needs a fence, please accept that they likely did not make that decision lightly. The decision exists for a reason and that reason usually isn’t just exercise. Dogs rarely want to be in fenced in yards alone without their humans. Quite a bit of fun can be had with said human in a fenced in yard though. Typical reasons that a rescue group or shelter might insist on a fenced in yard: a giant breed that needs a barrier to minimize liability, an over-exuberant dog badly in need of space to do zoomies without hurting his or her humans, dogs who have PTSD trauma from something that requires a “safe space” to learn how to comfortably be outside, escape artists notorious for pushing through doors, etc. When a rescue group or shelter requires a fence, they will also have some basic safety requirements/tips about said fence’s structure. Again, no generalizations on all dogs need a fence should be a thing. I will wholeheartedly support anyone who complains about that.

No Electronic Fencing

So now we come to the fencing style that will probably create a target on my back: electronic fencing. Let me preface the following with this: I do NOT condone or support the use of electronic fencing. There are always going to be better options. But there is no getting around the fact that a whole lot of quality dog homes use these systems. Making a blanket ban against these homes is a serious error in judgement. We have an opportunity to educate/change minds when we get to the conversation part of the adoption process. Find out who the adopter is and how they use their systems. We have the chance to point out that a dog they are interested in is not an appropriate candidate for that type of fencing. Or that the location of their system is dangerous. Or that how they use it is not ideal. You CAN change minds when you don’t make an immediate judgement. Please consider this, my fellow modern rewards-based trainers who read this, invisible type fences are not all created equally and by that, I mean the location of the fence and whether it’s a complete folly or a reasonable safety feature. The corner lot in a busy family centered sub-division is not ideal, by any means nor is the grassy yard in front of a house on most typical suburban active streets. Those are indeed an accident or lawsuit waiting to happen. They are a great way to create a reactive dog. But wait, what about the backyard of the same house, which happens to be private and naturally rimmed with landscaping? In this case, it can be used responsibly and by responsibly, I mean supervised by humans when in use by the dog. Other contexts where I could not find fault in the use of an IF style fence: 40 of 80 acres “fenced” along with a pond and another, 7 acres with trees and a creek creating a natural barrier on the “fence” line. I could go on. Individual scenarios need to be considered, including as to whether the dog in question is an appropriate candidate for such a “fence”. You are preaching to the choir when you point this out to me. I already believe that to be the case.

Income Questions

Someone’s income is not a shelter’s or rescue group’s business. That should not ever be a question. And that kind of determination cannot be assumed based on a home address. But what kind of working hours one has, especially when living alone, does matter as far as care goes. Does that mean that someone who works long hours should not have a dog? Of course not. What matters is how they plan on caring for that dog when they are not home. Are they making reasonable accommodations? Petsitters are big business these days. Will they have the energy to give that dog what he or she needs after work? What hobbies do they have, and will they be a good match for the activities (or lack of) that the dog might need? These are all important considerations. Here is a good example, as almost everyone in the dog world knows who Lu-Seal was. Her adopter, Dr. Julia Morley, was doing an emergency medicine residency when she adopted Lu-Seal. Long hours, exhaustion and still Lu-Seal got exactly what she needed. https://www.post-gazette.com/pets/pet-tales/2017/12/08/Pet-Tales-Lu-Seal-overweight-Chihuahua-diet-Petco-Humane-Animal-Rescue/stories/201712090008 Also, as far as income goes, lower income families often forfeit their own luxuries so that their animals have what they need. Love doesn’t have a price tag. This kind of information is what you discover during conversations. Conversations are vital. After the basics.

No 9-5 type workdays with no one home

Covered above. Individual context important. Don’t exclude people who might have weird work hours but otherwise are perfectly willing and able to give that dog what he or she needs.

No Out of State/Area Adoptions

My thoughts on this are probably not going to be popular with the “throw out all of the requirements” crowd: every single shelter/rescue group has the absolute right to limit their adoption area to one that they are comfortable with. I truly understand that this is the day and age of transporting dogs all over the place. But, for those who do right by the animals in their care by conducting home visits and requiring that a failed adoption be returned to them (as they should), their volunteers have to be able to get to home visits easily and more importantly, be able to comfortably get an animal back when an adoption goes wrong. Hundreds of miles away and a recalcitrant adopter are not a good combination. And despite the best intentions, it does happen to everyone placing dogs occasionally. Vowing to keep a dog safe means that the ones who spent time rescuing that dog get to make the rules of what they are safely able to do. Volunteers are just that, volunteers. Adopters are not a customer purchasing a product. Rescue groups and shelters don’t have to place a dog with anyone. It matters little whether the dog would have been treated like royalty. There is a match to be made within the caretaker’s personal comfortable geographical limits, trust me. Don’t throw a tantrum. Just scour the internet for a dog who needs you within the area where you live or go to another organization who doesn’t have those limits. You would be likely doing that dog a favor. And as the bullet points above mention, it’s especially tricky when there are already other animals in the home and a home visit is not practical. Truly, respect a group or shelter who makes these rules. They really are out for protecting the welfare of the dogs in their care. That is a good thing!

References Required

My own thoughts on this one was initially: no one calls those or if so, they shouldn’t. Vet references can easily be the only references needed. After all, who is going to put down a reference who would badmouth them anyway? Buuuuuuuttttttt, I was told by a trusted long time shelter worker friend that I would be surprised at how many references actually were horrified that so-and-so was trying to adopt a dog and were quite emphatic that so-and-so should not get that dog so call away if you already do so. Who knew?

Here is where I add my own pet peeve requirement, training methods. Yes, you guessed it. I am wholeheartedly in favor of requiring that an adopter ONLY utilize modern rewards-based training methods or risk forfeiting their adoption. Why, you ask? Although it can certainly be opined that training methods are a personal opinion, I strongly disagree. To follow science supported rewards-based methods for minimal learner stress and maximum bonding between humans and dogs should be considered part of the baseline of rescue care. Why bother rescuing a dog if they are going to potentially be subject to punitive methods in order to “train” them? More on that subject here; Why Rescue Groups Should Use Rewards-Based Training Methods

An aspect of removing barriers to adoption that I wholeheartedly support is free/low-cost adoptions. Clear The Shelter events generally involve the same basic criteria that shelters always have in place. The cost of the adoption itself has been subsidized by someone/some corporation. This is a GREAT thing! This helps people spend their hard-earned cash on the dog him/herself! Win/win!

Now before I end this, I want to address the well-meaning but misled people who support this practice of dropping all screening as well as the adopters who agree. Adopters are mostly good-hearted people looking to help a dog. So are those of you who think that this eliminating the barrier thing will magically mean that all animals will have a home, but you will likely never ever know about the ones whose stories had a bad ending because of this practice. But here’s the real issue with this thought process: to those who are not well educated enough (or at all) in dog behavior; love isn’t enough. Yes, most rescue groups and shelters completely understand that adopters plan on loving the heck out of that dog. That is noble and we all respect that, but a good match cannot be made effectively on that knowledge alone. Lifestyles *are* important. What a dog needs in a home *is*important. Love is not enough. Dogs are not inanimate accessories that we can ignore, once added to our lives. Personalities must mesh for best long-term success and there is no getting around that fact.

Some proponents of this no barrier approach state that people get pushed towards breeders when adopting is too difficult and intrusive. Here’s the thing though, responsible breeders ask/require the same information of their potential puppy buyers, if not more! It’s only the puppy mills and pet stores and internet sales that don’t care, it’s just a money maker to them. Which is why they should not even be legal. In addition to much better federal humane laws overall and tighter requirements for who can breed dogs, what we should primarily be focusing on and what will reduce homelessness in dogs, is more education on what dogs need. Here is an article about what dogs wish that we knew about them.

Additionally, what we need in place as a nation, is subsidized low/no cost veterinary assistance for dog parents as well as help with various needs such as food, accessible and safe housing, etc. Let’s KEEP dogs in loving homes. Appropriate homes are not determined by income. They are determined by a human’s willingness to provide what an animal needs. Help exists for human children, the same should be said for animals. Studies show that animals enhance or emotional lives. They should not be an income based luxury. Win/win by helping animals stay in homes.

As for humane/safeguarding laws that help dogs, we should be looking towards Germany. Germany requires that those who want a dog, to be educated in what that dog needs and they have to take a test to prove it. Requirements are in place for the welfare of the dog, as well as training methods that are permitted to be used on said dog. This is what we as a nation should be pushing for, minimum requirements for adding a dog to one’s life, not everyone wants one, everyone gets one. Quantity is not as important as quality and it’s time that we stop trying to lower the standards and start pushing for better standards. I know which philosophy the dogs would vote for. Your guess?

Tags: barrier free adoption, dog adoption, dog adoption criteria, dog adoptions, rescue group adoptions, responsible adoptions, safety of dogs, shelter adoptions, traumatized dogs

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