boundaries

Posts Tagged boundaries

We Are Family: Are Your Dogs Family or Pets?

I have always disliked that word “pet”. It implies a relationship of servitude. Such a relationship is unequal in an unpleasant way. The existence of an animal for the sole purpose of the human. That’s not why I share my life with dogs. I want a mutual relationship with my dogs. They get a say in their life. I am their human parent. I am not their master.

One of Merriam-Webster definitions of pet when used as a noun is as follows: a domesticated animal kept for pleasure rather than utility. Further google searches for additional definitions might include the notation that the affection is typically returned by the “pet” to the owner. How generous of that statement as an afterthought! Choosing to share our life with dogs should mean that the pleasure of both parties is of importance as a standard.

I asked this question on the How Many Dogs Facebook page: are your dogs pets or family? I did not calculate exact percentages from the responses so this is only a guess, but approximately 98% said family without question. Some even questioned as to whether I was serious in even asking such a question. Obviously, the majority of that audience is not who I have to convince.

The concept of dogs as family is not easy for some to wrap their heads around. Old traditions die hard. The traditional role of animals in the life of humans placed the humans in what was once referred to as an alpha role. That perception of our role in a dog’s life has been disproved by science. There are plenty of people still willing to cling to that role, however. Inaccurate information presented on unfortunately widely available TV shows contribute to antiquated information maintaining a place in the public eye. This also contributes to the unbalanced relationships that many people have with their dogs.

Dogs aren’t left out when friends come to visit.

In human families, those who are closest emotionally are not always related by blood. Close friends are often considered family and non-traditional nuclear families are more common than traditional ones (with parents who are on their first marriage to one another with only shared children in the home). Blended families are far more common in this modern day and age.

Dogs are part of a blended family. You choose them. Unlike blood relatives, you have made the decision to add an animal to your home. In multiple dog households, that concept is even more front and center. A cohesive household should be your goal. There are always going to be spats in a family. Love doesn’t prevent other emotions. Conflict is part of life. Your goal as a dog parent is to minimize that potential. Be the parental figure. You can read more about that subject by clicking here.

There are hundreds of multiple dog households with dogs who don’t get along. It happens, but this is not the scenario that this article is about. I don’t judge households like this as inappropriate. Keeping the conflict to a minimum and keeping everyone safe should be a goal in such households. How do you create a more cohesive family if your current crew is unstable? An article’s recommendation can only deal in generalizations. The number one answer is get a professional behavior consultant to help you. Failing that, be a strong but kind parental type figure who creates boundaries and is observant and is present for all questions and answers. Provide the information that is relevant, provide training for all dogs who need it, provide safety as well as all the other basic needs.

Families celebrate each other’s successes and share each other’s pain. Families stick together when it counts. Families have fun together. Families mourn losses. If your crew is happiest when everyone is together, then you have succeeded in creating a family. If your dogs greet each other after one or more having been separated for one reason or another, then you have a family. If your dogs look out for each other in some way in some scenarios and have jealous spats in other circumstances, then you have a family. Pat yourself on the back, hug your dogs (if they enjoy that!) and celebrate your family. Give them the courtesy of calling them family rather than pets. I personally use the word dogs rather than pets when applicable. I am the human, they are the dogs. Together we are a family. No pets here.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this subject in the spaces below.

Tags: behavior, boundaries, cohesive, dog, dogs, exercise, get along, household, how, human, many, multiple, needs, pet, positive, relationship, social, train, training, unstable

Posted in: Projects

Executive Decisions: Why Do You Have to Parent Your Crew?

Frequently, I walk into multiple dog households that are running amok, for lack of a better term. Some just a little, some far more than a little. In many cases, my presence would have been mostly unnecessary if someone had stepped in as the decision maker right off the bat. Simply put, stepping in as needed assures the safety of all your dogs.

Many of you, who are also human parents, understand the need for creating and enforcing boundaries. Fairness and polite behavior towards siblings is important for human harmony in a family. The same thing applies to the canine members as well.

This is not an advisory to micromanage your dogs’ interactions. A comment to this effect on the How Many Dogs Facebook page brought up this important point. Intervening is a judgment call in some cases. For what can be considered small things, no intervention is necessary if your dogs generally get along well. An example of this is a dog objecting to being stepped on by another dog, by grumbling or barking but nothing further. As long as the clumsy one is not inclined to redirect, that is a perfectly normal interaction between family members.

Humans object to being jostled too, usually by reminding the jostler to be more careful. Dogs get this same privilege provided they can be reasonably polite about it. The key point here is to know your crew. If there are issues, you need to intervene far more often in order to prevent bigger problems.

Do not let your dogs work it out on their own! Not most of the time anyway. Really, the implications of such a scenario boggle the minds of behavior experts. It’s a recipe for disaster, just as allowing one’s human children to make inappropriate decisions regarding their interactions with their siblings. Oh sure, if you “raise them right”, some decisions will be appropriate. But so many more won’t be without initial supervision, intervention and consistency.

Consistency is the key word here. Set an example, make it happen all the time with few deviations, and you have a guideline for success. It doesn’t mean that you need to run your household like a boot camp. Nor does it mean that force needs used to ensure compliance. The best human parents don’t scream, shout and/or hit to handle their children’s infractions. They use conversations that include wise words and non scary but effective consequences for poor choices. But intervene they do, and because of that, the entire family feels a sense of security that all members are properly cared for emotionally and physically.

Will you always have to intervene? That depends on your particular crew and their relationships, but the goal is that you have to intervene as little as possible eventually – aside from preventing furniture from flying due to playtime bursts in the wrong rooms!

Security is one of the most important issues to any life form. Feeling secure allows everyone to relax. Safety from emotional and physical assaults ensures security. Give your crew security early on and you create the right formula to prevent problems later on. Combine safety and security with teaching manners and impulse control and you will put a lot of behavior consultants out of business!

Feel free to use the spaces below to describe how you create safety within your crew.

Tags: bad, behavior, boundaries, Consistency, decision, dog, dominance, emotion, fairness, goal, household, impulse, intervene, manage, manners, many, multiple, polite, problems, relax, safety, secure, training, work it out

Posted in: Projects

A Snip Decision: the Pros and Cons of Early Neutering Can Be Complicated

I have an intact dog. That comment will incense many people and a near equal amount will wonder why I am admitting it like a confession. It is a confession of sorts. I have been a rescuer for more than fourteen years. I have been involved in shelter work for longer than that. Having an intact dog goes against everything I believe in.

The majority of people I am close to would have made the appointment for neutering the second that their dog turned the magic age of six months. Kenzo is about to turn nine months old. I agreed to wait until he was a year old to alter him and it has been suggested that I wait until he is two years old. Some days, I want to chuck my agreement in the garbage and call the vet for a same day appointment. Other days, I am sure I can wait. Most days I waver between the two.

Kenzo, at 9 months of age.

The subject of neutering (early or at all!) is controversial in some circles and causes blood boiling on both sides. I asked about neutering large and giant breeds earlier than a year, on my personal Facebook page a few months ago. It turned into a war zone. I had to delete some comments and moderate others. I defended my desire to neuter now or at all, with those who insisted neutering was never a good idea while with others, I defended my reasons for not neutering yet. It was a thin line to walk, trying to stand my ground without making myself a target for either side.

Some readers will wonder what the big deal is, why wait you ask? Why ask for input at all, right? Well, for those who have not followed along closely, and for those who have and may not have realized, Kenzo is considered a giant breed. Giant breeds of dogs grow more slowly than even large breeds; which I have always had and neutered as early as possible. Growth plates are not closed until at minimum, eighteen months and in some cases, two years. How much difference can that make with regards to neutering? That remains to be seen. Hence my perfectly innocent and inquisitive Facebook question.

Questionable studies were thrown at me, anecdotal “evidence” was cited, veiled threats were made, insults were thrown and nothing was truly accomplished. When it all comes down to it, it’s still my decision to make. I just have not made it yet.

How does this relate to multiple dogs? Trent, my eight year old neutered male Pit Bull is an insecure dog. He always has been. But until a little over a year ago, he had the most confident male dog in the world keeping him safe from the revolving door of foster dogs that came through this house. Of course, I am the one who has really kept him safe, but Trent adored Merlin and viewed him as his personal protector. Merlin is no longer here to protect him and now Trent is the “big brother” to a dog who has already eclipsed ninety pound Siri in size. Trent is a bit overwhelmed. Add the intact factor with Kenzo hitting the magic testosterone age of not quite nine months of age and you have a potential dilemma.

Kenzo is just starting to test his boundaries. The marking outside over Siri and Trent’s urine has started, mostly in the yard but occasionally on walks as well. We have had two posturing/marking incidents in the house recently when Kenzo has felt the need to show that he had his big boy pants on; once with Siri and once with Trent. That got quickly redirected by yours truly, but the moment was still noted by Trent and that is what matters. And of course Siri just looks at Kenzo like he has lost his mind, so I’m not worried about her.

It has been obvious that Trent is more comfortable playing with Kenzo these days, which helps ease my mind. Siri is much more inclined to play with him that Trent though. She also feels more comfortable shutting him down immediately if he annoys her than Trent does. But I do my best to not place either of them in the position of having to do that. Many of these things are just puppy versus older dog issues but many more aren’t. The differences between having an intact dog in the house compared to a neutered dog are glaringly obvious, at least to me, a behavior expert.

Aside from the extreme interest in Siri’s urine that keeps his Jacobson Gland in overdrive, there is the instinct that drives him to pace their every pottying need. And of course, there is the wariness that all neutered males greet him with. He can’t help any of this but it’s still there. So my thoughts dwell on this test of time. Can I wait or should assured peace be claimed? The answer to that question remains to be seen. I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, feel free to add your POLITE thoughts on my quandary. Rudeness will not be tolerated, nor will name calling, etc. And keep in mind that Kenzo WILL be neutered. That is not up for discussion. The question is when. I have read everything I need to read on the subject, medically speaking. I am just looking for other’s experiences with multiple males in the household, both neutered and intact, preferably also with a female in the home. Thanks for being understanding.

Tags: behavior, boundaries, controversial, dilemma, dogs, force, growth plates, household, how, insecure, many, multiple, neuter, spay, wait

Posted in: Projects