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We Are Family: Are Your Dogs Family or Pets?

I have always disliked that word “pet”. It implies a relationship of servitude. Such a relationship is unequal in an unpleasant way. The existence of an animal for the sole purpose of the human. That’s not why I share my life with dogs. I want a mutual relationship with my dogs. They get a say in their life. I am their human parent. I am not their master.

One of Merriam-Webster definitions of pet when used as a noun is as follows: a domesticated animal kept for pleasure rather than utility. Further google searches for additional definitions might include the notation that the affection is typically returned by the “pet” to the owner. How generous of that statement as an afterthought! Choosing to share our life with dogs should mean that the pleasure of both parties is of importance as a standard.

I asked this question on the How Many Dogs Facebook page: are your dogs pets or family? I did not calculate exact percentages from the responses so this is only a guess, but approximately 98% said family without question. Some even questioned as to whether I was serious in even asking such a question. Obviously, the majority of that audience is not who I have to convince.

The concept of dogs as family is not easy for some to wrap their heads around. Old traditions die hard. The traditional role of animals in the life of humans placed the humans in what was once referred to as an alpha role. That perception of our role in a dog’s life has been disproved by science. There are plenty of people still willing to cling to that role, however. Inaccurate information presented on unfortunately widely available TV shows contribute to antiquated information maintaining a place in the public eye. This also contributes to the unbalanced relationships that many people have with their dogs.

Dogs aren’t left out when friends come to visit.

In human families, those who are closest emotionally are not always related by blood. Close friends are often considered family and non-traditional nuclear families are more common than traditional ones (with parents who are on their first marriage to one another with only shared children in the home). Blended families are far more common in this modern day and age.

Dogs are part of a blended family. You choose them. Unlike blood relatives, you have made the decision to add an animal to your home. In multiple dog households, that concept is even more front and center. A cohesive household should be your goal. There are always going to be spats in a family. Love doesn’t prevent other emotions. Conflict is part of life. Your goal as a dog parent is to minimize that potential. Be the parental figure. You can read more about that subject by clicking here.

There are hundreds of multiple dog households with dogs who don’t get along. It happens, but this is not the scenario that this article is about. I don’t judge households like this as inappropriate. Keeping the conflict to a minimum and keeping everyone safe should be a goal in such households. How do you create a more cohesive family if your current crew is unstable? An article’s recommendation can only deal in generalizations. The number one answer is get a professional behavior consultant to help you. Failing that, be a strong but kind parental type figure who creates boundaries and is observant and is present for all questions and answers. Provide the information that is relevant, provide training for all dogs who need it, provide safety as well as all the other basic needs.

Families celebrate each other’s successes and share each other’s pain. Families stick together when it counts. Families have fun together. Families mourn losses. If your crew is happiest when everyone is together, then you have succeeded in creating a family. If your dogs greet each other after one or more having been separated for one reason or another, then you have a family. If your dogs look out for each other in some way in some scenarios and have jealous spats in other circumstances, then you have a family. Pat yourself on the back, hug your dogs (if they enjoy that!) and celebrate your family. Give them the courtesy of calling them family rather than pets. I personally use the word dogs rather than pets when applicable. I am the human, they are the dogs. Together we are a family. No pets here.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this subject in the spaces below.

Tags: behavior, boundaries, cohesive, dog, dogs, exercise, get along, household, how, human, many, multiple, needs, pet, positive, relationship, social, train, training, unstable

Posted in: Projects

From the Frying Pan into the Fire: Adding a Dog When Your Current Dog Has Issues

Let’s say for the sake of argument that you have a human child who is difficult, with a personality disorder that needs professionally addressed. Yet you haven’t had the heart to take that step. Your child is antisocial towards everyone but your own family, and at times, including them. He is disruptive in school, openly hostile and pro-active about avoiding interactions while generally challenging any form of authority. Would you think it a good idea to suddenly decide to adopt another younger child to shower with affection? Would you expect the interactions of the new child and the troubled child to go smoothly?

Strangely, many people do exactly the canine equivalent of this. They are then vastly surprised that they have a problem on their hands. The expectation is that if you have two of the same species in the house, they should automatically get along. Why? All humans don’t get along. It would, of course, be great if that were the case, but humanity has a long way to go before we get to that point.

No one understands more than I do the temptation to add another canine to one’s household. But even I did not reach this point without planning. My last ‘singleton’ dog was adamant about remaining a singleton. I tried but at that stage of my training life, I was not skilled enough to ‘fix’ her. Layla’s behavior nearby other dogs in public was fine. I ‘fixed’ that very easily. She simply did not want to share her personal space with another canine and I grudgingly respected that. She had no other issues. She was a delightful and charming dog, enchanting every human she met. Everyone loved her and she them.

Adding another canine to a household with a dog who not only dislikes other dogs but also most humans, is a huge task to take on. Modifying that behavior won’t happen overnight. There are no magic wands. Consistency and parental boundaries are important. Because of my specialty, I get requests to help with such situations. I believe being truthful is important to achieving success. All family members must be on board in order for quality changes to take place. Realistic expectations are crucial and patience is key.

Teach delivers a correction to Tucker.

Managing the environment and setting each dog up for success is important. I often get asked, “How do I stop so and so from annoying so and so?” Easy, don’t let him do it in the first place. Setting up your household structure so that each dog feels safe and secure is important to success. Safety is high on the hierarchy of needs. Anxiety is off the charts without safety. The humans are in charge of safety. The dogs need structure, guidelines and safety. Reinforcing for appropriate choices and providing an incentive for such, helps to teach impulse control.

My job would be so much easier if simply integrating the dogs was my only requested task. Yet in so many of these cases, the resident dog in question *also* dislikes all human strangers so that has to be addressed before I can even attend to attempt to address the dog/dog situation. I do have to get access to the inside of the house, after all! (Edited to add in 2022: obviously, now I can offer virtual sessions for such and in many cases, that is indeed the better option. But honestly, in many cases that also means that I miss demonstrating some small things that can mean the difference between success and failure.)

In the worst scenarios, the owners have waited until the now larger and more confident dog has gotten fed up with the corrections he or she has endured at the paws of the other dog and has started to fight back. Get help before this point, please! Better yet, address your original dog’s issues FIRST, before you add gasoline to your fire. The amount of work that needs done once the deed is done is more than most people want to deal with. So do yourself a favor and think of what the resident dog needs rather than what you want.

If you lived through such a scenario, feel free to tell us all about it in the spaces below.

Tags: adding, anxiety, athority, behavior, confident, correction, dislike, disorder, dog, dominance, get along, household, how, human, many, multiple, needs, rescue, safe, skilled, social, training

Posted in: Projects

How Many Is Too Many Dogs? Part 2: When Rescuers Need Rescuing

This subject has been my most popular blog subject ever. Google searches on this phrase find the original blog more frequently than the website itself. The question itself crosses the mind of all who have more dogs than is considered the norm by the general public. The general public’s opinion, however, is not who anyone should base their perfect canine number on. Not by a long shot.

The renewed interest in this subject was prompted by a recent story locally of a breed rescuer who is being forced by local law enforcement, to reduce her numbers from more than eighty dogs, to twenty five dogs. Neighbors complained and ordinances are now being enforced. She has very little time to perform such a feat, meaning if seized, more than fifty dogs are facing a death sentence. This disturbs me greatly, for a number of reasons. Hopefully, by the time you read this, these dogs will no longer be in danger. Follow up to be noted when available, never fear.

Photo from a recent hoarding case.

But back to the reasons this disturbs me: there are so many, let me count the ways. Having been a rescuer (currently resting emotionally from that task), I can say with passion that it is really hard to say no to dogs in need. But I can also say with passion that I learned the hard way that if you don’t take care of yourself and your own dogs, first, everyone suffers and no one is truly helped. It is important to know your limit: emotionally, physically, financially, etc. regardless of whether you are a rescuer or just a plain dog owner who wants more dogs in your life. Know your limits!

If you are sentencing dogs to hours upon endless hours in crates or kennels, with little to no exercise and human interaction; that is not rescuing. That is hell on earth. Don’t pull dogs from shelters if you are not bettering their situation. Don’t call yourself a rescuer or even just a normal multiple dog household when you are clearly in over your head. No one human can take proper care of eighty-something dogs. It’s just not possible. Even with a couple of volunteer hands, it’s not enough.

There is another new hoarding situation almost every day in the media. This person was found to have fifty cats. That person was found to have a hundred dogs. This is a sickness. It’s not well intentioned rescuing or a loving multiple dog household. It may have started that way but it did not end up that way. At heart, it’s about selfishness, not selflessness. Rescuers make themselves feel good about rescuing. There is nothing wrong with that if you are not also using that as the ends to justify the means. Rescuing a dog is more than simply keeping them alive. Being alive is not the same thing as living well.

Dogs are sentient beings. They have thoughts and feelings and emotional needs, in addition to the physical needs of food, water, physical care and warm housing. No one would think it appropriate to expect people to live in a small space with no interaction or exercise day after endless day. It is equally unreasonable to expect the same of a dog, if the expectation is that the dog in question should remain mentally stable, that is! Placing unstable dogs is not appropriate without behavior modification and then we come back to lack of resources again.

The moral of this story is that as a multiple dog owner and/or rescuer, you dear reader, need to be fully aware of your limitations; physically, emotionally, financially, etc. Take into account your own basic needs, the needs of the dogs you currently have and calculate it all together in a PRACTICAL way. Then make a decision on whether to add another dog, foster or permadog, to your life. There are plenty of people on this earth who can care for a dog just as well as you can, I promise you this. If your urge to help a particular dog is strong but your limitations are stronger, sponsor the dog, promote the dog, do things other than adding the dog to your household to get him or her a good home. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. And above all, be there for your current crew as a responsible multiple dog owner and/or rescuer.

Tags: breed, canine, crate, dogs, emotion, enforcement, foster, hell, hoarding, how, human, interaction, law, many, more, multi, multiple, needs, rescue, sickness, small, suffer, too

Posted in: Projects