And Puppy Makes Three: Introducing Kenzo

This is not the hardest blog I have had to write but it’s definitely way up there. I have been procrastinating writing it in order to avoid the reality of the situation. That situation being of course, that Merlin and Kera really are gone, not just on vacation or something.

You would think that introducing a puppy into a household would be a cause for celebration. Of course it is, don’t misunderstand me, but it also brought so many feelings to the surface that I have been trying very hard to not feel. The sadness of loss is never more evident than when you are trying to fill the void caused by said loss.

To say that this household was in need of a jolt of some happiness would be a serious understatement. Puppies are nothing if not a smile made of fur. So what is the problem then, right? Well, the timing was probably not the best in the world, with Kera’s passing just a couple of weeks prior to the puppy in question turning the magic age of eight weeks.

Kenzo, the new crew member.

I had so hoped that Kera would stick around to meet little Kenzo but it was not meant to be. She liked having new life in the house. A few months before we lost her, I had a client’s Bulldog puppy for two days and she came right out to greet her with a smile. Her joy was evident.

I should back up a bit for some background information. A very dear and generous friend presented me with the idea of this precious gift to me when the mother (a rare breed) was bred. As most of you know, I have always had rescue dogs so I would not have chosen to get a breeder pup at that time. Not that it is a bad thing. Not at all but rescue was my thing then. I would have chosen to haunt Petfinder with the hope of finding the perfect new addition, when I was ready. But adding a male, which is what I wanted, would be a job since Merlin and Kera were the confident members of my crew. Siri and Trent especially would feel threatened by all but the perfect dog. So adding a puppy was an attractive (for them) thought.

When the idea of the puppy was presented to me, I was not at all ready. I said that I would consider it. I would know when it was closer to the time to make such a decision. My friend later emailed me that the puppy that she had in mind for me, who I already had pictures of by this time, had an issue with his eyes that he may or may not grow out of. They vibrated with his pulse when he was stressed. I felt, when told that, that he belonged here. Maybe that made him more of a rescue in my eyes; maybe it made him just slightly off center, like the rest of my dogs and me. Whatever the reason, it was then I knew.

But knowing and doing are two different things. Between knowing and doing, we lost Kera and a whole new set of grieving patterns emerged. Now I was not only grieving Merlin, I was grieving Kera and Merlin and a lost way of life. It started to look like I would have to make a decision to make things better by forcing a change or to stay in a state of depression that would be very easy to settle into. Change is difficult. Few people truly welcome it. It’s far easier to stay with what you know, no matter how miserable you actually are.

So Kenzo joined us, ready or not. Siri and Trent were clearly getting as used to depression as I was and I could not allow that to happen. They had not played for more than a minute or two since Merlin left us. Kera was not one to play much recently. Merlin played every night almost up until his passing. I missed that so much and I wanted play back in our lives.

At first, resentment was the primary emotion exhibited by Siri and to an extent, Trent. Trent, to give him credit, showed much more immediate interest in Kenzo, seeing perhaps an opportunity to be the top dog he never has been with the other crew members. Kenzo was properly respectful.

Siri, on the other hand, spent so much time under the living room end table that we had an emergency room visit for a pulled neck muscle. A week into Kenzo’s tenure here, with some muscle relaxers and pain medication in her system, she investigated Kenzo and found to her delight, that he welcomed her advances, in all it’s roughness. Siri has always been, along with Merlin, my crew member most fond of puppies. Kenzo brought that trait back out again finally, with a vengeance. Now she “rolls” him nightly. She is getting more exercise, something else that fell by the wayside when the playing paused.

Trent started to feel jealous that Siri was only playing with Kenzo. Trent and Siri are thick as thieves but that relationship has had some kinks when the playing halted. Siri and Trent are now renewing their mutual fondness for playing and this has helped Trent be more welcoming to playing with Kenzo.

I know that I will have to keep an eye on the interactions as far as playing goes, as Kenzo grows and matures. But things feel a lot more hopeful now. I wish that it meant that no tears are falling now. But that would not be true. Trying to fill a void caused some feelings of betrayal to my lost loves on my part. But In know that neither Merlin nor Kera would want this house to be filled with tears. They would want laughter and joy, especially Merlin, who lived his life with fun being the number one priority. So I am trying very hard to honor that desire without feeling guilty. I think he would be pleased. I think they both would be.