Up Close & Personal: Why Too Much Togetherness Can Lead to Conflicts

As all of us humans are now adjusting to a new normal, so are the animals that we share our daily lives with. Some of those adjustments may be unpleasant, as many families are now spending far more time with one another than their previous routines allowed. While to many, this can be a welcome change. But to others, this can cause more/new conflicts with the human part of the equation so it comes as no surprise to some that it can also cause conflicts between our animals as well. If you are seeing your dogs becoming less tolerant of behaviors that they may have previously dismissed in the other canines in your home, then you are seeing the results of too much up close and personal time. Trigger stacking takes many forms. Read more about trigger stacking here and here . We can easily get on the nerves of those who love us the most when forced to spend more time together than we are used to. Add that to the lack of our usual sanity saving recreational activities and you have a situation rife for bickering. Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to set your dogs up for success than it is to do the same for the humans in your home.

If your household consists of dogs who get along better overall because they are separated when you are not home, then you are possibly now finding the extra time together has created more tensions between them. The same can be said of humans who live together so this is not abnormal. If you are working from home, it’s not a bad thing to continue the separation arrangements that would exist if you were leaving for your workplace, if that is an option. But perhaps the room where you are currently working from home is the room that one or more dogs would have to themselves while you are gone? Well, yes, you can still use that room for those dogs but I would also suggest that you alternate which dog(s) are in that room with you if possible. Say for example, you are working on your laptop in your kitchen and two dogs usually have the run of downstairs and one is usually upstairs (or *your* variation on this arrangement). Then switch them out at lunchtime. Make sure that the dog(s) that are not with you have some enrichment noise such as a soothing station on the radio or TV. This is something that should be happening when home alone anyway. Additionally, make sure that all dogs have some sort of enrichment activity as well, such as a snuffle mat, Kongs, etc. Obviously take into account whether there are any resource guarding issues in place when you create this arrangement. You know your own individual dog’s need best. I am only providing some guidelines to pull from. If there are resource guarding issues between any dogs in your home, that is beyond the scope of this article. A resource guarding situation needs professional intervention so reach out to your favorite modern dog friendly methods trainer or behavior consultant. Most of us are offering video consultations at this time so honestly, it doesn’t even matter where you are located.

If for some reason, the above suggestions are not an option, then you can get creative with some barriers such as x-pens and baby gates so that you can still work, but not have to be so on top of interactions that your work is suffering. Out of your home enrichment can also set the stage for a longer fuse in any dog. Walks are still permitted in most quarantined areas. The lack of commute can give you the time to get these enriching walks in before sitting down to do your work. Sniffing is the best outdoor enrichment activity for any dog and it’s free! Let your dogs sniff to their heart’s content or at least within the perimeters of your allowable time frame. Read more about that here . Distance covered during a walk matters far less than sniffing time frames. The more brain enrichment a dog has, the more tolerant they will be about perceived and real annoyances. A pandemic is never a good thing but the fact that it’s happening when we have more daylight to utilize is super helpful to both the sanity of the humans and the sanity of the dogs existing with those humans. Use that daylight for extra sniffing walks after your work day is done. Drive your dogs somewhere quieter to walk if your neighborhood has seen a heavy increase in foot traffic due to quarantine mandates that cause walks to be stressful rather than stress relieving. Cemeteries are often dog friendly. Read more about that here .

If you are not working from home or at all right now, then it’s more complicated because you are likely more than a little stressed. In one capacity, that makes you an essential worker worried about your health while doing your job. In another capacity, that makes you rightly stressed about finances. Either stress will be conveyed to your dogs. I cannot help you with your own stress levels unfortunately but I can say from personal experience as well as a vast amount of dog behavior knowledge, that the more you focus on what you *can* control in order to decrease your stress level, the more that your dogs will take their cues from you. Less stress exhibited outwardly by the human means less stress taken on by the dogs. Focusing on helping your dogs navigate this new world will help you all. Spend some daily time practicing behavior cues with your dogs, both one on one and together, if that would not cause a squabble. Allow all of the dogs in your home some alone time. The ability to walk away and relax or think, without any outside interference is a priceless gift. Know your own dog’s needs. Some dogs are introverts and some dogs are extroverts. And most are somewhere between the two. Learn more about displacement gestures here  so that you can better recognize when a dog needs some room or a break from being up close and personal.

All of these suggestions are written from the perspective that these squabbles that you are now experiencing with your crew are *new* situations that have surfaced during the quarantine. Pre-existing issues are deeper seated and need a professional one on one to help you unravel the layers. If this is the case, please do consult a professional with experience with multiple dog households who also uses modern dog friendly methods. Punishment will make things worse. If you need help finding someone in your area (or even anywhere), please contact me. I would be happy to help you find someone. If it’s appropriate, I am offering video sessions as well. More on that below as well as contact info for either option. You can also comment in the comments under this article and I will get that eventually (it seems to be up to WordPress when that happens, sorry!).

Despite the fact that this is a scary new world for all of us, many of us now have the time and opportunity to recreate our relationships for the better now. And that opportunity is priceless. Take advantage of it if this applies to you. If you are one of the essential workers who never stopped working during this crisis, you have my utmost gratitude and respect. Thank you and stay safe everyone. We *will* get through this.

If you are interested in a virtual Zoom session, feel free to contact me directly at Debby@pawsitivereactions.com or view my website .